My wife called me a cocksucker the other day during sex. Kinky sex, obviously. It was while I was sucking the cyberskin dream dick, which she was holding on her crotch (being too lazy/tired at the time to put it in a harness and wear it). I was fucking a Fleshlight Flight at the time and I came not long after she called me that. It turns me on to be called a cocksucker, especially when I'm, y'know, sucking cock!
But WHY do I like sucking cock, and being called a cocksucker? Why am I going on popular websites looking for cock to suck? Why does the thought of sucking a real cock turn me on, and why does the thought of doing it in front of my wife turn me on even more?
The easy answer is that I'm a submissive bitch - and there's some truth to that. But that begs the question WHY am I a submissive bitch? My recent theory about "manhood" offers one answer to that: it takes me off the hook for not doing as much I feel a "real man" would do in my shoes. But it's OK, because I can't help it - I'm just not MAN enough, and my sexual desires confirm it. A real man wants to fuck. I want to get fucked. He wants to fuck a hot ass. I want to kiss it. He wants to get sucked. I want to suck. I suck, therefore I am... a submissive little-dicked bitch. Or something like that.
But wait - there's more. Two other possible reasons spring to mind. One, I like to give pleasure; and two, I like penises. Both are very true. At heart, I'm a kind and generous person who likes to make other people happy. It makes me happy to do that. Also I think penises are beautiful and among the sexiest things on earth, right up there with female ass and tits. Well, some penises, anyway, and only when they're fully erect, but those are the only ones I fantasize about. Sucking cock is a great way to combine both my pleasure in pleasing others and my love of penises.
And there's still more. I want more sex than I'm getting, but I don't want to cheat. I love my wife and I get off more on her than anyone else ever. That's why I brought up the subject of my frustration almost 2 years ago. She said she wished she had a slave she could make suck me off 3 times a week or so. I said there were lots of guys who would do that. She said she found it easier to imagine me sucking another guy's dick than it was to imagine me getting sucked off by a guy! I asked if she would let me do that for real, either get head from a guy, or give a guy head. She thought about it for a couple of days and finally said that it was OK, but only if there was 1) no kissing; 2) no emotional (or financial) involvement; 3) no diseases; and 4) no disclosure (in other words, she didn't want to know about it). I couldn't believe it! I asked if she wanted the same freedom to have sex with a girl (one of her daydream fantasies). She said she did feel free, but she didn't want to have sex with anyone but me. I asked her to let me know if that ever changed and she said she would. Anyway, the bottom line is that I don't get as much sex as I want, and my wife is OK with my giving or receiving oral with other guys. So it's convenient. And a lot more satisfying than jacking off or sucking on a silicone dick.
So for those keeping score at home, I think I want to suck cock 1) because it makes me feel like less of a man, which makes me feel less guilty about not doing more with my life; 2) because I like giving pleasure to others, because I like penises, and because guy/guy sex is a convenient way to release my excess sexual energy without cheating.
All of that feels true to some extent. But - will I put all this theory into practice? I truly have mixed feelings.
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