Close, but no large erection!

Today, I looked at c-list several times. I almost responded to a few ads. There were a couple of nice looking cocks in need of sucking - but also in need of hosting. Not going there (or rather, they're not coming here).

There was a very tempting "glory hole" some guy in his 20s has made at his house or apartment. I've seen his ad every day this week, only now he put a pic of his actual cock. It's on the small side of average, but somehow I still kinda wanted to suck it! He's only hosting after 9 PM, so no way.

I noticed some things looking through the ads. I already knew that there were more guys wanting to give head than wanting to receive it. I hadn't noticed before, but today I realized that there are guys of all ages (18 to 70+) looking, and it seems like the younger guys are somewhat more likely than older ones to want a blowjob rather than to give one. Which is cool, because I'd rather hook up with a younger guy anyway. Younger guys want sex more often, they tend to have more reliable erections, and they tend to cum more. And they're more beautiful. This is based on my own experience only - when I was younger, I wanted sex more often, my cock got hard and stayed hard whether I wanted it to or not, I used to cum more, and I was more beautiful!

I also have a theory, perhaps a bit off the wall... but since penis size is a sexually-selected trait - ie, women tend to prefer larger penises - that makes it more likely that they'll have male offspring with larger-than-average penises, and so average penis size should tend to increase with each generation. Bullshit... or not? I have no actual data to back this up. Which makes me want to get some data - by hooking up with young (20s) guys. If I do, I'll share my "discoveries".

The fact that I keep looking, to the point of almost being unable not to look, makes me think I may well end up hooking up. But I did notice one other thing today. I don't get all that horny looking through the ads. Huh? I do get somewhat horny, more so when looking at dicks I might suck than when reading about guys who want to suck me. But, just before I wrote this, I had been looking on c-list, and my cock was about half-erect. I checked out a little porn (F/m femdom) and got fully hard right away, and stayed there.

So why do I keep wanting to look at the ads? I think it's because I've found it very satisfying to suck cock in the past, and I feel it could be satisfying now. My most recent experience wasn't that great, but when I used to suck off my friend years ago, it was awesome. I'd often jack off multiple times after swallowing his cock, and then his load. We were both younger then.

I'm sure I'll keep looking. I think it's fairly likely that I'll end up with a dick in my mouth sometime soon. Preferably a big, young, hard dick that's aching to be sucked. The funny thing is, that thought makes me excited, a little horny - but not fully erect.

I have a theory about that, too. It just popped into my head now. I think the reason I want to suck cock is the same reason I like small penis humiliation (sph). And that is, it lets me off the hook for not being as awesome, and, more to the point, for not doing as many awesome things, as I'd like. Because, if I'm not doing enough awesome things because I'm simply not man enough, then it's beyond my control and I should just relax and enjoy my place in the universe. Which, if I'm not much of a man, would naturally be a place where I'm submitting to my superiors: dominant, confident guys with big dicks. If I suck "superior" dicks, or (as in my darker fantasies) let them cuckold me, it kind of proves the theory of my inferior manhood. That's a lot easier than working hard to be a better man.

I think I'm onto something: my cock is finally rock hard thinking about m/m oral sex!