Mixed emotions, missed connections

Well... I had picked the most submissive of the cocksuckers and planned to visit him today for my first m/m blowjob (first one of those receiving, that is!), but this morning, my wife surprised me again, this time by waking me up with her hand on my cock. So I did get a great blowjob, only from my true love, and not from some strange guy. Typing it out makes it seem stupid that I'd even think of doing something with another guy.

My wife was a little sleepy, so it was a somewhat lazy BJ, which made it even more awesome. She kneeled between my legs. I sat up enough for me to check out her ass in the mirror. She sucked slowly and steadily, using her hands on my shaft, and paying plenty of attention to my balls. I may have lasted 5 minutes, at most. I thought she might have swallowed, but then I saw her spitting my load into a kleenex.

After that, I had zero interest in getting head again today, especially from someone other than my wife. When I checked my email, I was relieved to find the submissive cocksucker had sent me a message saying he couldn't do it today. So I just let it go.

In the afternoon, I did "test" my plan for receiving head from a guy. I got my fleshlight flight, lubed it up and brought it to my office. Yesterday, I stayed up later than I meant to, putting as much porn (lots of pics and a few vids) onto a thumb drive. Today, I plugged the thumb drive into the computer, put my dick in the fleshlight, and stroked myself while I looked at pics, mostly of awesome female asses, but also some pics of women giving head in POV, cuckold scenes where the cuck is "forced" to suck the bull's dick, and some other assorted kink. I pretended I was getting head from a guy under the desk. It took me a long time to cum, probably 20 minutes or more (so much for lunch!). It was a solid, very pleasurable orgasm, but afterwards, as I imagined I had cum deep in a strange guy's mouth, I didn't feel that good about it.

I'm thinking seriously about just saying the hell with it. I get plenty of sex from my wife and I just don't feel good about anything else, even though she gave me the green light to have oral sex (giving or receiving) with guys almost 2 years ago (conditions: no emotional attachments, no kissing, and no telling her about any hookups I have).

I'm not quite sure why I suddenly wanted to get oral from a stranger all of a sudden. Maybe just because I've never done it? Maybe because I want to feel more dominant, and less submissive? Well, maybe I'm  just playing the c-list odds. That's not what I set out to do consciously, but since guys wanting to suck outnumber those wanting to get sucked by 10 to 1, it seems that the best way to find a dick to suck is to look for someone to suck mine. That way, I'll get plenty of responses, and I'm largely in control of what happens. I certainly got plenty of responses to my "first draft" posting. If I find a submissive cocksucker with a big dick, I have a feeling he'll be OK with my sucking him off after he sucks me off. If I don't like the guy (or his dick), I just get a blowjob and move on.

But I think I'll skip the (likely unsatisfying) blowjob - and just Move On without it.