My wife called me a cocksucker the other day during sex. Kinky sex, obviously. It was while I was sucking the cyberskin dream dick, which she was holding on her crotch (being too lazy/tired at the time to put it in a harness and wear it). I was fucking a Fleshlight Flight at the time and I came not long after she called me that. It turns me on to be called a cocksucker, especially when I'm, y'know, sucking cock!
But WHY do I like sucking cock, and being called a cocksucker? Why am I going on popular websites looking for cock to suck? Why does the thought of sucking a real cock turn me on, and why does the thought of doing it in front of my wife turn me on even more?
The easy answer is that I'm a submissive bitch - and there's some truth to that. But that begs the question WHY am I a submissive bitch? My recent theory about "manhood" offers one answer to that: it takes me off the hook for not doing as much I feel a "real man" would do in my shoes. But it's OK, because I can't help it - I'm just not MAN enough, and my sexual desires confirm it. A real man wants to fuck. I want to get fucked. He wants to fuck a hot ass. I want to kiss it. He wants to get sucked. I want to suck. I suck, therefore I am... a submissive little-dicked bitch. Or something like that.
But wait - there's more. Two other possible reasons spring to mind. One, I like to give pleasure; and two, I like penises. Both are very true. At heart, I'm a kind and generous person who likes to make other people happy. It makes me happy to do that. Also I think penises are beautiful and among the sexiest things on earth, right up there with female ass and tits. Well, some penises, anyway, and only when they're fully erect, but those are the only ones I fantasize about. Sucking cock is a great way to combine both my pleasure in pleasing others and my love of penises.
And there's still more. I want more sex than I'm getting, but I don't want to cheat. I love my wife and I get off more on her than anyone else ever. That's why I brought up the subject of my frustration almost 2 years ago. She said she wished she had a slave she could make suck me off 3 times a week or so. I said there were lots of guys who would do that. She said she found it easier to imagine me sucking another guy's dick than it was to imagine me getting sucked off by a guy! I asked if she would let me do that for real, either get head from a guy, or give a guy head. She thought about it for a couple of days and finally said that it was OK, but only if there was 1) no kissing; 2) no emotional (or financial) involvement; 3) no diseases; and 4) no disclosure (in other words, she didn't want to know about it). I couldn't believe it! I asked if she wanted the same freedom to have sex with a girl (one of her daydream fantasies). She said she did feel free, but she didn't want to have sex with anyone but me. I asked her to let me know if that ever changed and she said she would. Anyway, the bottom line is that I don't get as much sex as I want, and my wife is OK with my giving or receiving oral with other guys. So it's convenient. And a lot more satisfying than jacking off or sucking on a silicone dick.
So for those keeping score at home, I think I want to suck cock 1) because it makes me feel like less of a man, which makes me feel less guilty about not doing more with my life; 2) because I like giving pleasure to others, because I like penises, and because guy/guy sex is a convenient way to release my excess sexual energy without cheating.
All of that feels true to some extent. But - will I put all this theory into practice? I truly have mixed feelings.
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Still playing with fire - and not burned yet, dammit!
I work from home every day, and lately it's been slow. Today was no exception, and I spent a lot of today on c-list, looking for dick and/or a wet mouth for my dick. I found plenty of both on offer!
But, I ended up cumming into my Fleshlight Flight with my Vamp Talula (softskin, large, mocha) deep in my mouth and the smell of my wife's panties in my nose. Before I went to the bedroom, I watched Bree Olsen suck off a guy in POV, and swallow. I thought maybe I'd think about that, but the heart (or maybe in this case, "the hard") wants what it wants. I started out fantasizing that the guy whose big dick I'd almost sucked (more on that in a minute) was cuckolding me while my "little dick" was being sucked by the guy who yesterday offered to suck me off and swallow. What ended up getting me off, about 10 minutes later, was the thought of my submissively sucking a dominant guy's big dick in front of my wife, and her laughing at me as she watched. I tried to imagine having my dick in a submissive guys's mouth. That didn't do much for me, so I imagined I was being sucked by the submissive guy's wife, and then, that I was fucking his wife. But as I started cumming, my sexual intelligence (whatever that is) took my imagination to the most satisfying place to imagine cumming: inside my wife. Her pussy. Or her mouth. Or her ass. I thought about all three during my long orgasm. It really doesn't matter, I realized as I pumped stream after stream of cum into the plastic tube, as long as my cock is inside her. I felt really good after the O, and have all day since.
But, for reasons I still don't quite understand, I still went back on c-list and looked for potential hookups after that.
Maybe it was because my wife didn't want any sex this morning. She said she was in a hurry, that she had to be in to work early. Whatever, I had a major erection and want(ed) satisfaction.
As for those guys I almost hooked up with today... the first ad to really catch my eye was "hosting now - m4m", with a pic. 30 yrs old, nearby town. I opened it, and saw a pic of a very large black cock, hard as a rock. Must have been a real 8 incher. Pretty thick. Ad said he wanted head now. It had just been posted. I replied, said I could be there in an hour. After 5 minutes, no reply. 10 minutes, no reply. 15. 20. Oh, well. I was just about to give up when he replied "generous only". I have learned that this means he wants me to give him money to let me suck his dick. No, thanks! I don't think my wife would be cool with that at all, although I was tempted to ask how "generous" he was looking for!
Right after that, the same guy who posted the gloryhole ad yesterday posted it again. I replied right away and waited. 5 minutes. 10. 20. After 30 minutes, I gave up and enjoyed the Fleshlight and the fantasies. When I got back to the computer, he had replied and was interested! I was actually relieved that I was no longer interested.
The "generous" thing seems to be very common. I think "roses" refers to the same thing. Other people say they're "420 friendly", which sounds to me like they'll give it up if you've got pot. Well-hung, attractive black guys seem especially likely to want "generosity". Seems like male prostitution to me, but who am I to judge? Still, I think next time I see that guy's ad, I'll reply "how generous?"
I've also discovered more possibilities. In addition to m4m, there's mm4m, which is two guys looking for another guy, and mw4m, which is a guy/girl couple looking for another guy. I could totally get into some guy blowing me while his wife or girlfriend watches, or watching while his wife or girlfriend blows me! Although, that would be beyond the bounds of what my wife is cool with, so it's just going to be a fun fantasy.
I did just reply to 2 guys looking for a third. They're similar to me in ages and physiques, and their cock pics look great! I replied with a cock pic of my own. Somehow, I think it would almost be easier to do this with 2 guys than with just one. In any event, it's an exciting thought!
But, I ended up cumming into my Fleshlight Flight with my Vamp Talula (softskin, large, mocha) deep in my mouth and the smell of my wife's panties in my nose. Before I went to the bedroom, I watched Bree Olsen suck off a guy in POV, and swallow. I thought maybe I'd think about that, but the heart (or maybe in this case, "the hard") wants what it wants. I started out fantasizing that the guy whose big dick I'd almost sucked (more on that in a minute) was cuckolding me while my "little dick" was being sucked by the guy who yesterday offered to suck me off and swallow. What ended up getting me off, about 10 minutes later, was the thought of my submissively sucking a dominant guy's big dick in front of my wife, and her laughing at me as she watched. I tried to imagine having my dick in a submissive guys's mouth. That didn't do much for me, so I imagined I was being sucked by the submissive guy's wife, and then, that I was fucking his wife. But as I started cumming, my sexual intelligence (whatever that is) took my imagination to the most satisfying place to imagine cumming: inside my wife. Her pussy. Or her mouth. Or her ass. I thought about all three during my long orgasm. It really doesn't matter, I realized as I pumped stream after stream of cum into the plastic tube, as long as my cock is inside her. I felt really good after the O, and have all day since.
But, for reasons I still don't quite understand, I still went back on c-list and looked for potential hookups after that.
Maybe it was because my wife didn't want any sex this morning. She said she was in a hurry, that she had to be in to work early. Whatever, I had a major erection and want(ed) satisfaction.
As for those guys I almost hooked up with today... the first ad to really catch my eye was "hosting now - m4m", with a pic. 30 yrs old, nearby town. I opened it, and saw a pic of a very large black cock, hard as a rock. Must have been a real 8 incher. Pretty thick. Ad said he wanted head now. It had just been posted. I replied, said I could be there in an hour. After 5 minutes, no reply. 10 minutes, no reply. 15. 20. Oh, well. I was just about to give up when he replied "generous only". I have learned that this means he wants me to give him money to let me suck his dick. No, thanks! I don't think my wife would be cool with that at all, although I was tempted to ask how "generous" he was looking for!
Right after that, the same guy who posted the gloryhole ad yesterday posted it again. I replied right away and waited. 5 minutes. 10. 20. After 30 minutes, I gave up and enjoyed the Fleshlight and the fantasies. When I got back to the computer, he had replied and was interested! I was actually relieved that I was no longer interested.
The "generous" thing seems to be very common. I think "roses" refers to the same thing. Other people say they're "420 friendly", which sounds to me like they'll give it up if you've got pot. Well-hung, attractive black guys seem especially likely to want "generosity". Seems like male prostitution to me, but who am I to judge? Still, I think next time I see that guy's ad, I'll reply "how generous?"
I've also discovered more possibilities. In addition to m4m, there's mm4m, which is two guys looking for another guy, and mw4m, which is a guy/girl couple looking for another guy. I could totally get into some guy blowing me while his wife or girlfriend watches, or watching while his wife or girlfriend blows me! Although, that would be beyond the bounds of what my wife is cool with, so it's just going to be a fun fantasy.
I did just reply to 2 guys looking for a third. They're similar to me in ages and physiques, and their cock pics look great! I replied with a cock pic of my own. Somehow, I think it would almost be easier to do this with 2 guys than with just one. In any event, it's an exciting thought!
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Close, but no large erection!
Today, I looked at c-list several times. I almost responded to a few ads. There were a couple of nice looking cocks in need of sucking - but also in need of hosting. Not going there (or rather, they're not coming here).
There was a very tempting "glory hole" some guy in his 20s has made at his house or apartment. I've seen his ad every day this week, only now he put a pic of his actual cock. It's on the small side of average, but somehow I still kinda wanted to suck it! He's only hosting after 9 PM, so no way.
I noticed some things looking through the ads. I already knew that there were more guys wanting to give head than wanting to receive it. I hadn't noticed before, but today I realized that there are guys of all ages (18 to 70+) looking, and it seems like the younger guys are somewhat more likely than older ones to want a blowjob rather than to give one. Which is cool, because I'd rather hook up with a younger guy anyway. Younger guys want sex more often, they tend to have more reliable erections, and they tend to cum more. And they're more beautiful. This is based on my own experience only - when I was younger, I wanted sex more often, my cock got hard and stayed hard whether I wanted it to or not, I used to cum more, and I was more beautiful!
I also have a theory, perhaps a bit off the wall... but since penis size is a sexually-selected trait - ie, women tend to prefer larger penises - that makes it more likely that they'll have male offspring with larger-than-average penises, and so average penis size should tend to increase with each generation. Bullshit... or not? I have no actual data to back this up. Which makes me want to get some data - by hooking up with young (20s) guys. If I do, I'll share my "discoveries".
The fact that I keep looking, to the point of almost being unable not to look, makes me think I may well end up hooking up. But I did notice one other thing today. I don't get all that horny looking through the ads. Huh? I do get somewhat horny, more so when looking at dicks I might suck than when reading about guys who want to suck me. But, just before I wrote this, I had been looking on c-list, and my cock was about half-erect. I checked out a little porn (F/m femdom) and got fully hard right away, and stayed there.
So why do I keep wanting to look at the ads? I think it's because I've found it very satisfying to suck cock in the past, and I feel it could be satisfying now. My most recent experience wasn't that great, but when I used to suck off my friend years ago, it was awesome. I'd often jack off multiple times after swallowing his cock, and then his load. We were both younger then.
I'm sure I'll keep looking. I think it's fairly likely that I'll end up with a dick in my mouth sometime soon. Preferably a big, young, hard dick that's aching to be sucked. The funny thing is, that thought makes me excited, a little horny - but not fully erect.
I have a theory about that, too. It just popped into my head now. I think the reason I want to suck cock is the same reason I like small penis humiliation (sph). And that is, it lets me off the hook for not being as awesome, and, more to the point, for not doing as many awesome things, as I'd like. Because, if I'm not doing enough awesome things because I'm simply not man enough, then it's beyond my control and I should just relax and enjoy my place in the universe. Which, if I'm not much of a man, would naturally be a place where I'm submitting to my superiors: dominant, confident guys with big dicks. If I suck "superior" dicks, or (as in my darker fantasies) let them cuckold me, it kind of proves the theory of my inferior manhood. That's a lot easier than working hard to be a better man.
I think I'm onto something: my cock is finally rock hard thinking about m/m oral sex!
There was a very tempting "glory hole" some guy in his 20s has made at his house or apartment. I've seen his ad every day this week, only now he put a pic of his actual cock. It's on the small side of average, but somehow I still kinda wanted to suck it! He's only hosting after 9 PM, so no way.
I noticed some things looking through the ads. I already knew that there were more guys wanting to give head than wanting to receive it. I hadn't noticed before, but today I realized that there are guys of all ages (18 to 70+) looking, and it seems like the younger guys are somewhat more likely than older ones to want a blowjob rather than to give one. Which is cool, because I'd rather hook up with a younger guy anyway. Younger guys want sex more often, they tend to have more reliable erections, and they tend to cum more. And they're more beautiful. This is based on my own experience only - when I was younger, I wanted sex more often, my cock got hard and stayed hard whether I wanted it to or not, I used to cum more, and I was more beautiful!
I also have a theory, perhaps a bit off the wall... but since penis size is a sexually-selected trait - ie, women tend to prefer larger penises - that makes it more likely that they'll have male offspring with larger-than-average penises, and so average penis size should tend to increase with each generation. Bullshit... or not? I have no actual data to back this up. Which makes me want to get some data - by hooking up with young (20s) guys. If I do, I'll share my "discoveries".
The fact that I keep looking, to the point of almost being unable not to look, makes me think I may well end up hooking up. But I did notice one other thing today. I don't get all that horny looking through the ads. Huh? I do get somewhat horny, more so when looking at dicks I might suck than when reading about guys who want to suck me. But, just before I wrote this, I had been looking on c-list, and my cock was about half-erect. I checked out a little porn (F/m femdom) and got fully hard right away, and stayed there.
So why do I keep wanting to look at the ads? I think it's because I've found it very satisfying to suck cock in the past, and I feel it could be satisfying now. My most recent experience wasn't that great, but when I used to suck off my friend years ago, it was awesome. I'd often jack off multiple times after swallowing his cock, and then his load. We were both younger then.
I'm sure I'll keep looking. I think it's fairly likely that I'll end up with a dick in my mouth sometime soon. Preferably a big, young, hard dick that's aching to be sucked. The funny thing is, that thought makes me excited, a little horny - but not fully erect.
I have a theory about that, too. It just popped into my head now. I think the reason I want to suck cock is the same reason I like small penis humiliation (sph). And that is, it lets me off the hook for not being as awesome, and, more to the point, for not doing as many awesome things, as I'd like. Because, if I'm not doing enough awesome things because I'm simply not man enough, then it's beyond my control and I should just relax and enjoy my place in the universe. Which, if I'm not much of a man, would naturally be a place where I'm submitting to my superiors: dominant, confident guys with big dicks. If I suck "superior" dicks, or (as in my darker fantasies) let them cuckold me, it kind of proves the theory of my inferior manhood. That's a lot easier than working hard to be a better man.
I think I'm onto something: my cock is finally rock hard thinking about m/m oral sex!
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Mixed emotions, missed connections
Well... I had picked the most submissive of the cocksuckers and planned to visit him today for my first m/m blowjob (first one of those receiving, that is!), but this morning, my wife surprised me again, this time by waking me up with her hand on my cock. So I did get a great blowjob, only from my true love, and not from some strange guy. Typing it out makes it seem stupid that I'd even think of doing something with another guy.
My wife was a little sleepy, so it was a somewhat lazy BJ, which made it even more awesome. She kneeled between my legs. I sat up enough for me to check out her ass in the mirror. She sucked slowly and steadily, using her hands on my shaft, and paying plenty of attention to my balls. I may have lasted 5 minutes, at most. I thought she might have swallowed, but then I saw her spitting my load into a kleenex.
After that, I had zero interest in getting head again today, especially from someone other than my wife. When I checked my email, I was relieved to find the submissive cocksucker had sent me a message saying he couldn't do it today. So I just let it go.
In the afternoon, I did "test" my plan for receiving head from a guy. I got my fleshlight flight, lubed it up and brought it to my office. Yesterday, I stayed up later than I meant to, putting as much porn (lots of pics and a few vids) onto a thumb drive. Today, I plugged the thumb drive into the computer, put my dick in the fleshlight, and stroked myself while I looked at pics, mostly of awesome female asses, but also some pics of women giving head in POV, cuckold scenes where the cuck is "forced" to suck the bull's dick, and some other assorted kink. I pretended I was getting head from a guy under the desk. It took me a long time to cum, probably 20 minutes or more (so much for lunch!). It was a solid, very pleasurable orgasm, but afterwards, as I imagined I had cum deep in a strange guy's mouth, I didn't feel that good about it.
I'm thinking seriously about just saying the hell with it. I get plenty of sex from my wife and I just don't feel good about anything else, even though she gave me the green light to have oral sex (giving or receiving) with guys almost 2 years ago (conditions: no emotional attachments, no kissing, and no telling her about any hookups I have).
I'm not quite sure why I suddenly wanted to get oral from a stranger all of a sudden. Maybe just because I've never done it? Maybe because I want to feel more dominant, and less submissive? Well, maybe I'm just playing the c-list odds. That's not what I set out to do consciously, but since guys wanting to suck outnumber those wanting to get sucked by 10 to 1, it seems that the best way to find a dick to suck is to look for someone to suck mine. That way, I'll get plenty of responses, and I'm largely in control of what happens. I certainly got plenty of responses to my "first draft" posting. If I find a submissive cocksucker with a big dick, I have a feeling he'll be OK with my sucking him off after he sucks me off. If I don't like the guy (or his dick), I just get a blowjob and move on.
But I think I'll skip the (likely unsatisfying) blowjob - and just Move On without it.
My wife was a little sleepy, so it was a somewhat lazy BJ, which made it even more awesome. She kneeled between my legs. I sat up enough for me to check out her ass in the mirror. She sucked slowly and steadily, using her hands on my shaft, and paying plenty of attention to my balls. I may have lasted 5 minutes, at most. I thought she might have swallowed, but then I saw her spitting my load into a kleenex.
After that, I had zero interest in getting head again today, especially from someone other than my wife. When I checked my email, I was relieved to find the submissive cocksucker had sent me a message saying he couldn't do it today. So I just let it go.
In the afternoon, I did "test" my plan for receiving head from a guy. I got my fleshlight flight, lubed it up and brought it to my office. Yesterday, I stayed up later than I meant to, putting as much porn (lots of pics and a few vids) onto a thumb drive. Today, I plugged the thumb drive into the computer, put my dick in the fleshlight, and stroked myself while I looked at pics, mostly of awesome female asses, but also some pics of women giving head in POV, cuckold scenes where the cuck is "forced" to suck the bull's dick, and some other assorted kink. I pretended I was getting head from a guy under the desk. It took me a long time to cum, probably 20 minutes or more (so much for lunch!). It was a solid, very pleasurable orgasm, but afterwards, as I imagined I had cum deep in a strange guy's mouth, I didn't feel that good about it.
I'm thinking seriously about just saying the hell with it. I get plenty of sex from my wife and I just don't feel good about anything else, even though she gave me the green light to have oral sex (giving or receiving) with guys almost 2 years ago (conditions: no emotional attachments, no kissing, and no telling her about any hookups I have).
I'm not quite sure why I suddenly wanted to get oral from a stranger all of a sudden. Maybe just because I've never done it? Maybe because I want to feel more dominant, and less submissive? Well, maybe I'm just playing the c-list odds. That's not what I set out to do consciously, but since guys wanting to suck outnumber those wanting to get sucked by 10 to 1, it seems that the best way to find a dick to suck is to look for someone to suck mine. That way, I'll get plenty of responses, and I'm largely in control of what happens. I certainly got plenty of responses to my "first draft" posting. If I find a submissive cocksucker with a big dick, I have a feeling he'll be OK with my sucking him off after he sucks me off. If I don't like the guy (or his dick), I just get a blowjob and move on.
But I think I'll skip the (likely unsatisfying) blowjob - and just Move On without it.
Monday, June 23, 2014
Is it the season, or just us, or what?
It's a strange, intense time.
After all the great kinky sex with my wife the past few weeks, I was still somehow surprised by the last couple of days.
My wife delivered the first thrilling shock to me last night. I suggested that we go to the bedroom and play, expecting her to dominate me. When she tops, she usually has me rub her feet, then her back, then kiss her ass for a loooong time (sometimes an hour or more, almost always with at least a couple of farts right in my nose or mouth) before having me make her cum a bunch of times. Then she has me tie my balls tightly with an elastic cord. She asks for something to beat me with. I give her different toys, usually including a 3' whip, a crop and a slapper or a paddle. She beats me for a short while, and/or kicks/hits me in the balls. She loves to use the leather slapper on my face! Sometimes then she asks for "her big, beautiful dick" and I give her a harness with a strap-on cock ready to go. Lately, it's been Vixskin Johnny in a SpareParts Joque harness. My ass is always ready (cleaned, lubed, and pre-stretched) if there's a chance we'll play that evening. She puts on "her cock", I suck it a little and lube it up, put my submissive, smaller dick in a "slave tube" (lately, my Fleshlight Flight), and she fucks me (she's REALLY good) until I cum in the slave tube. If she doesn't have the energy to fuck me, she'll have me suck a dick, or kiss her ass, while I hump the slave tube.
I was expecting something like that last night when I suggested playing the bedroom. But that's not what happened.
Thrilling as that would have been, it wouldn't have been a shock. When she instead said "I want to submit to you; I want you to dominate me", THAT was a huge, wonderful shock. I had her put on some very slutty clothes (short wetlook skirt with no panties and a cupless bra), added a leather collar around her neck and a pair of handcuffs sitting on the bed beside me (she hates handcuffs). I told her she could keep her hands free if she was good. She said she'd be good. I had her kiss my feet, my legs, and my ass. Then I had her suck my cock, with no hands at first, then letting her fondle my balls and stroke my cock a little. Then I had her get her ass ready for fucking. She was ready in 10 minutes. I fucked her in doggy, standing doggy (making her do most of the work), missionary, then back to doggy for the finish. My mind was mostly in the here and now, just getting off on dominantly buttfucking my submissive wife. When my mind did wander, I kept thinking about doing what I was doing - but doing it to some guy's wife right in front of him! That thought finally sent me to the point of no return. I brought myself back to the reality of my big cock balls-deep in my wife's ass as I started cumming. I came and came and came, staying inside her ass until I was completely finished. Then, just to keep feeling dominant, I had her give me a foot massage and get me a drink afterwards. Then we snuggled until she fell asleep. It was fun and I have felt GREAT ever since!
The other thrill is a certain website I'll just call C'list. :) I had been on this site before, and had checked out the men looking for other men section, but for some reason I'd never checked out the casual encounters section. Which is probably just as well, but dayum! There are A LOT of guys on there in this area looking to suck dick, some of them very submissive. The guys who want to suck dick seem to outnumber the ones who want to get their dick sucked by 10 to 1 at least.
After my wife drifted off. I got up and stayed up for a couple more hours. I got horny again thinking about my wife's submission. I started thinking about the fantasy I'd had of dominantly fucking a guy's wife in front of him. I also thought about dominating a guy, of making him suck my dick on my terms. I wrote up a C'List posting, but just saved it to a text file instead of posting it. I went to bed and felt very close to my wife. This morning, I woke just as my wife was leaving for work. I had an hour before I had to start working, so I opened the post I'd written, edited it, found a pic I took of my cock not long ago - and posted it on C'List. This was about 8:30. By noon, I'd had 6 responses, all submissive cocksuckers wanting to blow me! Two of them are too far away, and one's too old for me, but the other three are close by and interesting. Now I just need to decide which one to start with - and whether this is a good idea at all in the first place. I'm trying to put myself in my wife's position and see if I'd object if I were her. Like if she wanted to have her pussy licked every day, but I got jaded if I licked her every day. So she went online and found a local woman to lick it for her sometimes. And maybe, if she found the woman attractive enough, my wife would lick the other woman's pussy, too. And then she'd come home satisfied and not tell me about it. She'd love me just as much, and want sex with me just as often. She wouldn't invite strangers into our house and she'd be careful only to hook up with women she found to be clean and trustworthy. Thinking about it just now, I think I'd be OK with that - but there's a fairly strong chance I'm rationalizing! And "clean and trustworthy" is more a judgement call based on appearances than a medical fact. Herpes, or other nastiness, could happen. Guilt could make things weird. Balance that risk against the benefit of increased satisfaction, and probably increased confidence.
Further thought required!
After all the great kinky sex with my wife the past few weeks, I was still somehow surprised by the last couple of days.
My wife delivered the first thrilling shock to me last night. I suggested that we go to the bedroom and play, expecting her to dominate me. When she tops, she usually has me rub her feet, then her back, then kiss her ass for a loooong time (sometimes an hour or more, almost always with at least a couple of farts right in my nose or mouth) before having me make her cum a bunch of times. Then she has me tie my balls tightly with an elastic cord. She asks for something to beat me with. I give her different toys, usually including a 3' whip, a crop and a slapper or a paddle. She beats me for a short while, and/or kicks/hits me in the balls. She loves to use the leather slapper on my face! Sometimes then she asks for "her big, beautiful dick" and I give her a harness with a strap-on cock ready to go. Lately, it's been Vixskin Johnny in a SpareParts Joque harness. My ass is always ready (cleaned, lubed, and pre-stretched) if there's a chance we'll play that evening. She puts on "her cock", I suck it a little and lube it up, put my submissive, smaller dick in a "slave tube" (lately, my Fleshlight Flight), and she fucks me (she's REALLY good) until I cum in the slave tube. If she doesn't have the energy to fuck me, she'll have me suck a dick, or kiss her ass, while I hump the slave tube.
I was expecting something like that last night when I suggested playing the bedroom. But that's not what happened.
Thrilling as that would have been, it wouldn't have been a shock. When she instead said "I want to submit to you; I want you to dominate me", THAT was a huge, wonderful shock. I had her put on some very slutty clothes (short wetlook skirt with no panties and a cupless bra), added a leather collar around her neck and a pair of handcuffs sitting on the bed beside me (she hates handcuffs). I told her she could keep her hands free if she was good. She said she'd be good. I had her kiss my feet, my legs, and my ass. Then I had her suck my cock, with no hands at first, then letting her fondle my balls and stroke my cock a little. Then I had her get her ass ready for fucking. She was ready in 10 minutes. I fucked her in doggy, standing doggy (making her do most of the work), missionary, then back to doggy for the finish. My mind was mostly in the here and now, just getting off on dominantly buttfucking my submissive wife. When my mind did wander, I kept thinking about doing what I was doing - but doing it to some guy's wife right in front of him! That thought finally sent me to the point of no return. I brought myself back to the reality of my big cock balls-deep in my wife's ass as I started cumming. I came and came and came, staying inside her ass until I was completely finished. Then, just to keep feeling dominant, I had her give me a foot massage and get me a drink afterwards. Then we snuggled until she fell asleep. It was fun and I have felt GREAT ever since!
The other thrill is a certain website I'll just call C'list. :) I had been on this site before, and had checked out the men looking for other men section, but for some reason I'd never checked out the casual encounters section. Which is probably just as well, but dayum! There are A LOT of guys on there in this area looking to suck dick, some of them very submissive. The guys who want to suck dick seem to outnumber the ones who want to get their dick sucked by 10 to 1 at least.
After my wife drifted off. I got up and stayed up for a couple more hours. I got horny again thinking about my wife's submission. I started thinking about the fantasy I'd had of dominantly fucking a guy's wife in front of him. I also thought about dominating a guy, of making him suck my dick on my terms. I wrote up a C'List posting, but just saved it to a text file instead of posting it. I went to bed and felt very close to my wife. This morning, I woke just as my wife was leaving for work. I had an hour before I had to start working, so I opened the post I'd written, edited it, found a pic I took of my cock not long ago - and posted it on C'List. This was about 8:30. By noon, I'd had 6 responses, all submissive cocksuckers wanting to blow me! Two of them are too far away, and one's too old for me, but the other three are close by and interesting. Now I just need to decide which one to start with - and whether this is a good idea at all in the first place. I'm trying to put myself in my wife's position and see if I'd object if I were her. Like if she wanted to have her pussy licked every day, but I got jaded if I licked her every day. So she went online and found a local woman to lick it for her sometimes. And maybe, if she found the woman attractive enough, my wife would lick the other woman's pussy, too. And then she'd come home satisfied and not tell me about it. She'd love me just as much, and want sex with me just as often. She wouldn't invite strangers into our house and she'd be careful only to hook up with women she found to be clean and trustworthy. Thinking about it just now, I think I'd be OK with that - but there's a fairly strong chance I'm rationalizing! And "clean and trustworthy" is more a judgement call based on appearances than a medical fact. Herpes, or other nastiness, could happen. Guilt could make things weird. Balance that risk against the benefit of increased satisfaction, and probably increased confidence.
Further thought required!
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Surprise, surprise...
So, I'm having sex with my wife a few of mornings ago. We're spooning, and I'm going really slow and taking a long time to cum. To my surprise, my wife suddenly blurts out, "Work that little dick harder, bitch! I'm fantasizing about a big dick inside me, filling me up. Think about a big, superior dick fucking me hard while you work your inferior little dick!" Sure enough, I cum within a minute.
The evening after that, I ask her if she wants to go to the bedroom. So we go. She wants oral, so I eat her to several orgasms. The first couple are intense. Usually, she gives me head after I give her head. But instead, after resting a few minutes in post-orgasmic bliss, she says she wants to see me "cum like a bitch" with my mouth on "a nice big dick". She asks me to pull out some dildos. She picks the Dream Dick, which is considerably bigger than mine. She says, "Yeah - THAT's a REAL man's dick. Suck on that and cum like a bitch!" So I lube up my cock, put it in my Fleshlight Flight and suck "her" cock, which she's holding on her crotch. She puts her other hand on the back of my head and shoves it down, making me gag a little. She tells me to "work that little dick" while I suck a nice, big one. She says she'd love to see me suck a real big dick and that I'd have to swallow, and do whatever else the "superior man" says, even let him fuck me if that's what he wants. She says she'd love to see me got fucked. She tells me she's going to fuck me ASAP. I cum almost immediately!
Unfortunately, we've both been too busy since then to hook up. I've been feeling submissive. I've gone on some sites, basically looking for dick to suck. But no dice, so far at least. Still, just putting myself out there, posting on the web that I want to suck dick, makes me feel REALLY submissive. I've also looked up some gloryholes within 1-2 hours of here, and I may visit one of them next week if I can work up the courage. A potent fantasy I've had lately is of finding a guy who wants his dick sucked, meeting him, discovering he has a big cock, submissively blowing him to completion - and then introducing him to my wife! Of course, what happens then is that they dominate me together and she only has sex with him after that. I just have to serve them in humiliating ways. Maybe they lock me up in chastity.
I have mixed feelings about all this. I want to dominate my wife again, and then see how I feel and what I want. I think I'm just going to let it happen, whatever "it" is.
The evening after that, I ask her if she wants to go to the bedroom. So we go. She wants oral, so I eat her to several orgasms. The first couple are intense. Usually, she gives me head after I give her head. But instead, after resting a few minutes in post-orgasmic bliss, she says she wants to see me "cum like a bitch" with my mouth on "a nice big dick". She asks me to pull out some dildos. She picks the Dream Dick, which is considerably bigger than mine. She says, "Yeah - THAT's a REAL man's dick. Suck on that and cum like a bitch!" So I lube up my cock, put it in my Fleshlight Flight and suck "her" cock, which she's holding on her crotch. She puts her other hand on the back of my head and shoves it down, making me gag a little. She tells me to "work that little dick" while I suck a nice, big one. She says she'd love to see me suck a real big dick and that I'd have to swallow, and do whatever else the "superior man" says, even let him fuck me if that's what he wants. She says she'd love to see me got fucked. She tells me she's going to fuck me ASAP. I cum almost immediately!
Unfortunately, we've both been too busy since then to hook up. I've been feeling submissive. I've gone on some sites, basically looking for dick to suck. But no dice, so far at least. Still, just putting myself out there, posting on the web that I want to suck dick, makes me feel REALLY submissive. I've also looked up some gloryholes within 1-2 hours of here, and I may visit one of them next week if I can work up the courage. A potent fantasy I've had lately is of finding a guy who wants his dick sucked, meeting him, discovering he has a big cock, submissively blowing him to completion - and then introducing him to my wife! Of course, what happens then is that they dominate me together and she only has sex with him after that. I just have to serve them in humiliating ways. Maybe they lock me up in chastity.
I have mixed feelings about all this. I want to dominate my wife again, and then see how I feel and what I want. I think I'm just going to let it happen, whatever "it" is.
Tuesday, June 17, 2014
Love, Hate, Porn and Sex
My love/hate relationship with porn continues, although lately almost all I've been watching is either kinky or amateur.
I've been thinking about a number of porn related issues. I don't edit myself much on here, so forgive me if I ramble a little (or a lot) while I "think out loud".
Lately, I've been overly obsessed with penis size, and I've included my wife in the obsession. She admitted that larger penises are a turn-on for her, at least visually in the porn pics and vids I've shown her. In real life, she's only been with three other guys, all of whom had much smaller penises than mine. But she's admitted that she might enjoy a bigger penis more and that she finds the idea exciting. Which turns me on, probably too much!
I've asked her several times to imagine a bigger dick inside her. I've even asked her to make fun of my dick! She's played along and had fun with it. I had her tell me: "stroke your little dick while you think about a big dick, fucking me deeper than you ever could, filling me up and satisfying me completely" and "make your little dick cum quick, bitch!" That was while I was kissing her ass and fucking her feet. And yes, I came right away!
I've prompted her to say mean things about my penis, like "why is it so small?"; "don't you wish you had a real dick like a real man and not a little prick like a little boy?"; "is it in? I can't feel anything.". We've pretended she has a "superior" boyfriend with a bigger dick, and that she's going to make me suck his big dick off and bend over for him in front of her! Basically, I'd pleasure him whenever she didn't feel like it, and I would submit to both of them all the time. And my "little pee pee" would be forever locked up in chastity! It's fun, but I've noticed that I don't feel great after cumming while we're playing those games. And I worry that she may take it too much to heart and start thinking less of my cock, and/or wanting to try a big dick for real.
I should probably be glad that so far she's refused to try any of our dildos, most of which are larger than my penis, inside herself.
I think these urges are because I haven't felt that great about myself lately. I haven't been successful at work, despite working harder than ever, and I haven't been working out as much (because of working too much). I feel weak and fat. Inferior. And the specifics are all things I've seen in porn, or variations on things I've seen in porn.
Like a lot of guys, the prevalence of well-hung guys in porn (not to mention the tricks they use to make the cocks look bigger), make me feel a little inadequate. In reality, my cock is 6.5" long, and 5" around. It's 1.75 inches across. All of the women I've been with have seemed to genuinely love it and almost all of them told me it was big, either the biggest they'd been with or one of the biggest. I have to buy larger size condoms. But I look at myself in the mirror and my dick looks tiny to me. I'm sure if I slimmed down it would look big again. When I was younger and super fit, I got super horny just looking at my body in a full length mirror! I know another trick is to trim the pubes...
Anyway, but all that's pretty dumb. I feel like I'm playing with fire for no good reason. My wife loves me, and I love her. Her libido is down, but that probably has everything to do with her overloaded work schedule and nothing to do with my penis!
I really have NOTHING to complain about, either. In a typical week, I'll have sex with my wife 4-5 times, including one session with penetration, a blowjob or two, and once or twice kissing her ass. Usually I make her cum with my mouth/hands once or twice a week, which is all she wants.
Yesterday morning, she gave me a blowjob. After I started fingering her pussy, she sat on my face. She sat up and stroked me instead of sucking. She pressed a lot of her weight onto my face, and fucked my tongue really hard. Her gorgeous ass cheeks were the only thing I could see and my nose was wedged firmly in between them. I smelled her ass with every breath! It only took 15-30 seconds of this before I wanted to cum. I put my hands on her shoulders; she took the hint and put her mouth on me, catching all my cum in her mouth and holding me there until I finished cumming completely. Awesome!
On Saturday night, I gave her a massage, then licked and fingered her to several orgasms. She was tired, so instead of strapping on a dildo and fucking me, as she'd said she wanted to do, she selected a big one and "made me" suck it while she talked shit to me. I had my dick in my trusty fleshlight flight. She said if she had a real dick, she'd always make me swallow. She told me to deepthroat her big cock and to "cum like a bitch" with a man-sized dick deep in my mouth. In just a few minutes, I did! And I felt just fine after the orgasm, maybe because she had told me she loved my cock and there was no mention of boyfriends or other things like that.
About 10 days before, I'd dominated her, slapping and spanking her (both of which she loves), fucking her face and then cumming with my cock balls-deep in her ass! I finally taught her how to prepare her own ass for anal, by using glass plugs (small, medium, and finally one the same girth as my cock), or course with plenty of lube. It was a turn-on watching her get her ass ready, and it went faster than when I do it. Next time, she's going to get herself ready before we play.
I hope that will happen in a week or two. I know she also wants to fuck me, which will be awesome, too. I've really got it made, haven't I? :)
I pretty much wasted a lot of money on a couple of expensive 'marital aids' recently, but I think I've finally learned my lesson. I've fallen victim to the temptation of "retail therapy" a lot over the years. Maybe it's also because of feelings of inferiority. Lately, I realized that buying stuff doesn't make me happy. In fact, it makes me feel worse after I realize that the expensive thing I just wasted my money on isn't as great as I'd hoped.
Cases in point: in the past month, I bought a SpareParts Duo harness, which is a strapon harness with two holes (one for my cock, the other for a dildo, for double penetration), and also I bought the Vamp Talula dildo (I got the large 7" X 2" version). I like both the items, but I'm no more satisfied than I was before I bought them. I don't know if my wife would ever go for double penetration, or it I'd really like it anyway. As for the dildo, it's pretty cool, but it wasn't worth $100+ and it isn't even the color I thought I was ordering. I thought "mocha" was lighter, but it's pretty much African, which means she'll probably never want to use it. Oh well. It's fun to play with solo, and if I've finally learned my lesson about retail therapy, it's all OK.
So less porn, less retail therapy and more love/lust with my wife. I think that's a GREAT plan.
I've been thinking about a number of porn related issues. I don't edit myself much on here, so forgive me if I ramble a little (or a lot) while I "think out loud".
Lately, I've been overly obsessed with penis size, and I've included my wife in the obsession. She admitted that larger penises are a turn-on for her, at least visually in the porn pics and vids I've shown her. In real life, she's only been with three other guys, all of whom had much smaller penises than mine. But she's admitted that she might enjoy a bigger penis more and that she finds the idea exciting. Which turns me on, probably too much!
I've asked her several times to imagine a bigger dick inside her. I've even asked her to make fun of my dick! She's played along and had fun with it. I had her tell me: "stroke your little dick while you think about a big dick, fucking me deeper than you ever could, filling me up and satisfying me completely" and "make your little dick cum quick, bitch!" That was while I was kissing her ass and fucking her feet. And yes, I came right away!
I've prompted her to say mean things about my penis, like "why is it so small?"; "don't you wish you had a real dick like a real man and not a little prick like a little boy?"; "is it in? I can't feel anything.". We've pretended she has a "superior" boyfriend with a bigger dick, and that she's going to make me suck his big dick off and bend over for him in front of her! Basically, I'd pleasure him whenever she didn't feel like it, and I would submit to both of them all the time. And my "little pee pee" would be forever locked up in chastity! It's fun, but I've noticed that I don't feel great after cumming while we're playing those games. And I worry that she may take it too much to heart and start thinking less of my cock, and/or wanting to try a big dick for real.
I should probably be glad that so far she's refused to try any of our dildos, most of which are larger than my penis, inside herself.
I think these urges are because I haven't felt that great about myself lately. I haven't been successful at work, despite working harder than ever, and I haven't been working out as much (because of working too much). I feel weak and fat. Inferior. And the specifics are all things I've seen in porn, or variations on things I've seen in porn.
Like a lot of guys, the prevalence of well-hung guys in porn (not to mention the tricks they use to make the cocks look bigger), make me feel a little inadequate. In reality, my cock is 6.5" long, and 5" around. It's 1.75 inches across. All of the women I've been with have seemed to genuinely love it and almost all of them told me it was big, either the biggest they'd been with or one of the biggest. I have to buy larger size condoms. But I look at myself in the mirror and my dick looks tiny to me. I'm sure if I slimmed down it would look big again. When I was younger and super fit, I got super horny just looking at my body in a full length mirror! I know another trick is to trim the pubes...
Anyway, but all that's pretty dumb. I feel like I'm playing with fire for no good reason. My wife loves me, and I love her. Her libido is down, but that probably has everything to do with her overloaded work schedule and nothing to do with my penis!
I really have NOTHING to complain about, either. In a typical week, I'll have sex with my wife 4-5 times, including one session with penetration, a blowjob or two, and once or twice kissing her ass. Usually I make her cum with my mouth/hands once or twice a week, which is all she wants.
Yesterday morning, she gave me a blowjob. After I started fingering her pussy, she sat on my face. She sat up and stroked me instead of sucking. She pressed a lot of her weight onto my face, and fucked my tongue really hard. Her gorgeous ass cheeks were the only thing I could see and my nose was wedged firmly in between them. I smelled her ass with every breath! It only took 15-30 seconds of this before I wanted to cum. I put my hands on her shoulders; she took the hint and put her mouth on me, catching all my cum in her mouth and holding me there until I finished cumming completely. Awesome!
On Saturday night, I gave her a massage, then licked and fingered her to several orgasms. She was tired, so instead of strapping on a dildo and fucking me, as she'd said she wanted to do, she selected a big one and "made me" suck it while she talked shit to me. I had my dick in my trusty fleshlight flight. She said if she had a real dick, she'd always make me swallow. She told me to deepthroat her big cock and to "cum like a bitch" with a man-sized dick deep in my mouth. In just a few minutes, I did! And I felt just fine after the orgasm, maybe because she had told me she loved my cock and there was no mention of boyfriends or other things like that.
About 10 days before, I'd dominated her, slapping and spanking her (both of which she loves), fucking her face and then cumming with my cock balls-deep in her ass! I finally taught her how to prepare her own ass for anal, by using glass plugs (small, medium, and finally one the same girth as my cock), or course with plenty of lube. It was a turn-on watching her get her ass ready, and it went faster than when I do it. Next time, she's going to get herself ready before we play.
I hope that will happen in a week or two. I know she also wants to fuck me, which will be awesome, too. I've really got it made, haven't I? :)
I pretty much wasted a lot of money on a couple of expensive 'marital aids' recently, but I think I've finally learned my lesson. I've fallen victim to the temptation of "retail therapy" a lot over the years. Maybe it's also because of feelings of inferiority. Lately, I realized that buying stuff doesn't make me happy. In fact, it makes me feel worse after I realize that the expensive thing I just wasted my money on isn't as great as I'd hoped.
Cases in point: in the past month, I bought a SpareParts Duo harness, which is a strapon harness with two holes (one for my cock, the other for a dildo, for double penetration), and also I bought the Vamp Talula dildo (I got the large 7" X 2" version). I like both the items, but I'm no more satisfied than I was before I bought them. I don't know if my wife would ever go for double penetration, or it I'd really like it anyway. As for the dildo, it's pretty cool, but it wasn't worth $100+ and it isn't even the color I thought I was ordering. I thought "mocha" was lighter, but it's pretty much African, which means she'll probably never want to use it. Oh well. It's fun to play with solo, and if I've finally learned my lesson about retail therapy, it's all OK.
So less porn, less retail therapy and more love/lust with my wife. I think that's a GREAT plan.
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