To fuck, or to BE fucked?

I fucked my wife in the ass again! I gave it to her long and hard. I fucked her ass in 5 different positions! I came in her mouth and she swallowed. Wow.

Here's the thing, known only to me: what got me off was thinking submissive thoughts. And I'm not happy about that. I mean, really submissive thoughts.

I'm assfucking her in missionary, looking her in the eyes as I twist first one nipple, then the other... and I'm turned on thinking about how small my dick is, how short my strokes are, how she barely feels it and how, because my dick is so small, she doesn't feel tight to me (although she does feel tight almost the whole time). She's ass-riding my cock in cowgirl... and I'm staying hard thinking about her riding my face, "making me" smell her ass and rubbing it all over my face like a taunting dance, grinding her clit on my mouth and nose, farting on my face and in my mouth and laughing about it. Then I'm assfucking her in doggy... and I almost cum from thinking that the reason I haven't cum yet is because it's more natural for me to cum with a big dick in my ass and/or a dick in my mouth than it is for me to cum with my "submissive little average dick" in my wife's ass.

I fuck her harder and faster as I imagine her assfucking me, while I suck a dominant man's cock. A particular friend comes (cums?) to mind. I imagine he has a big dick. I suddenly wish I could actually suck a dildo, or his hard dick. I imagine that he and my wife have feelings for each other. I imagine that he's letting me suck his dick because my wife asked him to let me. I imagine her "making him" fuck me while I worship her ass, while she farts on my face, or in my mouth. I imagine their laughter, and my humiliation. I'm just about to cum... but then my wife needs to change positions.

After pulling out, I find my erection isn't as solid as before. By now, I've had my cock in her ass for over 20 minutes. Fortunately, it's solid enough to put back in her ass, and I fuck her ass for quite a while longer. But she starts spontaneously saying submissive things ("Fuck me like a bitch! I'm your slave! I'm your ass whore! Please cum in my bitch ass, Sir!), and I find it impossible to get back into the submissive fantasies that I was getting off on. I spank her, I choke her, I pull her hair. I put a couple of serious love bites on her shoulders. But dominant thoughts aren't getting me close to orgasm. And let's be honest - my fucking muscles are tired!

So finally, I pull out and tell her I want her to suck me off and swallow my cum. She submits like a champ! After having her wash my cock, I tell her to kneel between my legs. I micromanage ("Lick my balls... now suck my balls, one a time... now kiss your way up my cock...."). I have her turn so I can play with her ass. Her mouth feels incredible on my cock. Her ass feels incredible in my hands, and thinking about how'd I'd just OWNED that ass is  a HUGE turn-on. I feel her tits, and feel her tit moving on my thigh, as she moves her mouth up and down on my cock. I'm close to cumming. I suddenly think about sucking cock, specifically about sucking the Dream Dick with my wife watching me suck it and taunting me for sucking it. And I cum - a massive, super-satisfying earthquake of an orgasm. I spurt repeatedly, then I feel my cock continue to pulse inside her mouth. She starts to pull off and I tell her to keep it in her mouth until I pull her off. I wait 30 seconds or so. I have seldom had such a great orgasm! The only thing I don't like is that I kept thinking submissive thoughts, and finding the submissive thoughts more arousing than the reality of assfucking my wife like a porn star/BDSM Master Stud. I tell her to swallow, and she immediately swallows! I feel DEEPLY satisfied, physically and mentally. I feel extremely warm feelings for her, and much of it is because of her worshipful submission. I tell her to put her head on my chest and rest...

Historically, I'm a switch. Hell, I'm a bisexual switch. That's me. But I'm finding it more difficult to be a good dom. I'm not sure if it's because I'm actually becoming more submissive, or whether it's because I've had a realistic dildo in my mouth every time I've cum for the past few months. Have I "trained" myself to get off only if I have a dick in my mouth?!

I hope not!

Going porn free has been good. I'm going to go "dick free" for a week now and see how that goes. I'm going to try to get off remembering the many times I've dominated, on thoughts of spanking and fucking my wife's ass, and also the other asses I've spanked and fucked. I'm going to remember the things my wife said, and the things others have said. I'm going to see if I can "train" myself to be more dominant. If not, well, I guess I'll have to learn to enjoy being a complete bitch!

And yes - that thought makes me horny. (Sigh).