Lies, Damned Lies - and Penis Size

If the internet has taught us anything, it's that guys obsess about their dicks. This doesn't make guys unique. Women obsess about...well, lots of things! Over the years, my wife has wondered if-

• Her breasts were too small (No Way! Nothing beats a pair of firm 34Bs!) 
• Her ass is too big (again - no way! It's amazing, and I'd love if it was bigger)
• She should dye her hair (not necessary)
• She should shave down there (Hell No!)

...and so on. She even wondered recently if her feet were too big. No honey, I love your big huge feet!  The better to dominate me with! Haha, just kidding (I'm really glad she doesn't read this thing) !

But the way guys obsess over their dicks is different. Unlike any one part of the female anatomy, a guy's penis is often the focus of his entire sexual identity. That's how I believe it works for most guys, anyway. And it's hidden from public view. Which makes it easy to lie about. 

I've always thought that lying about penis size was a stupid move. Even if the goal was a one-night stand, I figured that if I overstated my size or abilities, the girl would be disappointed, and that would make her not much fun to be around. Hooking up with her again would be unlikely. I decided long ago, that if it a girl ever asked me about my cock, I'd be brutally honest and let her decide based on the bare facts. Let me just hook up with people who like me as I am, I thought. That'll be a lot more fun!

As it happens, the subject never came up, and I never brought it up. I can't remember ever discussing the size of my cock with any girl I ever hooked up with, at least not until after we'd hooked up many, many times. I'm thinking I've only discussed my cock in real life with 2 of my 5 serious long-term partners. Every time I got laid, or got to third base, or otherwise hooked up with a girl, the penis question just never came up. Maybe my partners all carefully evaluated me and decided my penis would be awesome, but I think it's more likely that just wasn't what they were concerned about. 

The internet has shown me that my attitude towards, em, disclosure is a little unusual. It seems like 15 guys out of 20 will claim to have a bigger dick than they actually have, 2 will be honest, and 3 will claim to be smaller than they actually are - either because their dicks are so big that people don't believe them when they tell the truth, or because they're into SPH or SPT. 

Whatever direction guys distort their dick size, I think mainly, the guys are doing it for the guys. They're just trying to impress other guys, or at the very least, to get attention. Maybe they do it for the small minority of women who put dick size high on the priority list. Or maybe lots of girls do and I just never noticed.

I think where penis size really matters to a guy is internally. His own feelings about it. If a guy feels small, or big, that can shape his entire sexual perspective and personality, for good, bad, or just weird. I think I've felt just about every way I can feel about my cock.

When I was a kid, up until I had sex, I figured my cock was average. I only saw a few other guys naked, and they all seemed to be about the same size as me.

Then my first girlfriend (a curvy, petite brunette who'd only been naked with one guy before me) thought my cock was huge, so I started thinking I had a big dick. My next girlfriend (a tall, well-built blonde who had been with a lot of guys) told me my cock wasn't the biggest she'd had. She said it was the 3rd biggest out of the 20 or so she'd seen. Even better, she said mine was her favorite. The perfect size for her, she told me. So I began believing it was above average, and really awesome. When she broke up with me for another guy, I wondered if part of it was that he had a bigger (or better) dick, even though I had absolutely no reason to think so, other than seeing that scenario in some porn films.  My next girlfriend (an even taller curvy blonde) thought my cock was wonderfully thick, and plenty long (the best she'd ever seen/felt!) , which made me feel really good about it again. My wife thought it was huge at first, and now she thinks I'm above average - but thanks largely to my own efforts, she also thinks it's a little smaller than her "ideal penis". 

Like with all my girlfriends before her (and almost all of the other women I hooked up with more casually back then) my wife's pussy was tight when we first hooked up, I had to be careful not to go too deep too fast with her, because like the others, she had to stretch to accommodate me. Not anymore, of course, She's gotten looser. When I first noticed it, I wondered if she was cheating on me with a bigger guy. That was about 3 years ago, right after I started hanging out at the Cock Size Contest site, where I signed up with my accurate cock size (slightly understated, actually) - and lost 2/3 of the cock size "challenges". I realized fairly soon that almost everybody but me on there was overstating their size, but the damage was done. I'd started believing I had a small, inadequate dick. Perversely, I found it turned me on in a submissive way to think that.

My wife's looseness reinforced the idea that my dick was small, or at least too small to satisfy her. I started suggesting she try dildos larger than my cock (we have several excellent realistic ones of various sizes), so she could know what it was like to be properly filled up. She didn't want to try them. Then I showed her some porn videos with well-endowed guys. She liked what she saw. Behind the Green Door made an impression. After seeing that, she fully bought into the idea that black guys have big dicks. And she realized my dick was not so huge compared to some of the guys in that movie. She knew there was bigger out there. And, I learned, the idea turned her on.

My size is in the middle 

I showed her lots of porn pics, other movies, and some stories, and she kept finding it arousing. I kept suggesting that she try a bigger dildo. I encouraged her to say mean things about my cock, to say it was small and didn't satisfy her. That she wanted to try bigger. It was arousing in a submissive way to lead her in that direction, but on balance I think I wish I hadn't.

She gave in a couple of weeks ago, and tried the Cyberskin Dream Dick (7" long, 6" around). She fucked herself with it while I licked her ass. She seemed to enjoy it a lot, but later said it didn't actually feel good to her. It hurt. She says she doesn't want to try it, or any other dildo again. She knows the idea of her getting fucked by a bigger dildo turns me on, and I think she would try it again if I encouraged her to. Maybe she'd learn to like it. Maybe she'd end up like it better than she likes my cock.

She thinks a bigger real cock might feel better, but she's not sure, She says she's curious to know. It turns her on to think about it. Me, too. So far, it's just fantasy - and really, I hope it always will be. I've told her she can try a bigger guy if she wants. I'll even find the guy for her, or she can find him herself. All I ask is that she's 100% open about with me it (ideally I'd be there, and I'd participate). I consider myself lucky that she doesn't want to hook up with anyone but me. I'll be very happy if she never does. I'd probably feel awful if she did. I would definitely feel awful if she liked the other guy better than me. 

Writing this, I realized that my feelings about my cock have always been shaped by my partners' feelings about it. I guess that's natural since I thought it was average to begin with, and since I have a cock that's within one standard deviation of pretty much every generally-accepted figures for average penis size, both in length and width. On the high end of the standard deviation, for what it's worth! I guess I've mirrored my partners' feelings about my cock mainly because they were the ones who experienced it inside themselves. Each serious girlfriend I've ever has said she liked my cock, and seemed to be telling the truth.

I want to accept that mine is a "good cock" and stop obsessing. Easier said than done, but it's the most logical, fact-based conclusion. I find that the more I accept it, the better I feel. I know the illogical small penis fantasy I had wasn't making anybody happy, least of all me.

I think Ernest Hemingway was kind of a douche, but I like this thing he said: 

“So far, about morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after.”

If you change "moral" to "good for you" and "immoral" to "bad for you", that's exactly how I know whether I'm on the right track with things in my life. And believing my dick is small makes me feel bad. After. As in, after orgasm. Before, I can get excited thinking about how small my dick is, that guys with bigger dicks are superior to me, and about how more my wife would enjoy a bigger dick than she likes mine. But when I cum thinking about these or other similar things, I feel terrible after. Some times over the past 3 years, when I could only get turned on thinking about small-dick fantasies, I felt so bad that I started not getting aroused nearly as much as I had before. This, too, I put down to being inferior, and having a small dick. Which kept the cycle going. 

I didn't even realize it, until one day just over a year ago, it turned me on to imagine I was the guy with the big dick in one of the sadistic cock-size-focused stories I was reading. The story was illustrated, and the dominant guy looked like me, and had a cock just like mine, while the submissive guy had a much smaller one. So I tried identifying with the big-dicked guy, and it was a turn-on to imagine another guy submitting to me, giving me head whenever I wanted (with deepthroating and swallowing), encouraging me to fuck his hot wife, and allowing me to dominate him, humiliate him in lots of ways, and to put him into permanent chastity slavery,

Not a pic from the story, but the same general idea.

At first, this fantasy didn't turn me on as much as my submissive fantasies. But it did feel much better after I came. I found the more I came thinking dominant thoughts, the more being dominant turned me on. 

I thought it might be fun to try something like that online, so I created a profile on a kinky hookup site, and found there were LOTS of guys with smaller dicks than mine wanting to submit to me. I dominated a couple of guys pretty harshly! For several weeks, I "controlled" one guy's orgasms, only "allowing" him to cum when I said it was OK. I "made" another guy tell me everything about his sex life with his wife, and under my direction, he became more and more submissive to her.

Mainly, I put them in their place. Which they loved. Dominating those guys was a huge turn-on for me! For them too, obviously. For me, it was also an ego boost. It mitigated, at least somewhat, the feelings of smallness I got from teaching my wife to believe, and tell me, that I'm small. I just reactivated the profile this afternoon, by the way, and have already had several responses from wanna-be subs! 

I still have submissive fantasies, and they still turn me on. But I feel better - after - when I think dominant thoughts. More and more lately, dominant thoughts are what get me off the most before and during also.

Just in the last month, I've been exploring cuckolding - as the Bull. This feels incredibly good. It feels...right. It's a giant turn on, before, during and after. So far, it's just fantasy, but I can easily imagine doing it for real. I have every reason to believe it would feel just as good in real life (before, during and after), too. The only question is how it would affect my wife. Officially, I have the green light. I can do whatever I want, with whomever I want. She just wants me to keep her out of it, and not to tell her anything about it, ever. And above all, she wants me to love her just as much. I'm not sure how she'd feel about it after. I guess if she doesn't know, it won't matter (who am I kidding; she'll know). I know I would love her just as much. I think I might even feel it more than I do now. I've felt it more just thinking about it.

Since I started having more dominant than submissive fantasies again, I've come back to believing that I have a good cock. I've talked to my wife about my cock in a reality-based way for the past month, I showed her some amateur porn, and she's seen that guys in amateur porn have dicks smaller than mine more often than not. She understands why professional porn actors have unusually large cocks, and how that skews the perception of "normal" dick size, very similarly to how women's fashion creates unrealistic (and unhealthy) expectations of beauty. 

She says she thinks my cock is big, that she's always believed that, even when I wanted her to tell me it was small. She said she never liked calling it small. She says even in mainstream porn, my dick wouldn't be considered small, just not huge. She says huge cocks are "gross". I am lucky!

I still wish my cock were bigger sometimes, but less often now than before. The more I reflect on my actual life experiences, rather than online fantasy, the better I feel about my cock. The better I feel about my cock, the better I feel overall. Especially after. 

The awesome Steve over at Love Small Penis writes about this stuff all the time, and his most recent post is what got me thinking about this.

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And now for something completely different.

My wife dominated me last night - and it was good! It was her turn. I'll dominate her next time; that's how we roll. I thought about being rebellious at first last night, but she had great attitude and energy, and directed almost all of the action, so I just submitted. It was fun!

First, she wanted to whip me, and she was more aggressive about it than usual! She used her sweet little 3-foot single tail several times on my ass. Hard! Then she told me to bend over, and when I did she hit my ass with the leather side of her two-sided, paddle-shaped slapper. My balls were sticking out, and she hit them a few times with the slapper's faux fur side. Not too hard, but I liked it. She kicked my balls, too! It would be more accurate to say she kicked at my balls, as she never really connected (probably a good thing).

Then, she "ordered" me to give her a full-body oil massage, which lasted about 45 minutes. Then she told me to make her cum. I used my hands and mouth, first all over her body, then I concentrated on the key areas and gave her a number of strong orgasms (5?), including a full-body clencher. I thought she was going to rip a hole in my face with her fingernails!

Then, after 10 minutes or so of "cool-down", she told me to tie my balls. I did. She wanted to whip me some more, this time concentrating on my back. I moaned and gasped until she told me to shut up, and then I took it like a man.

Then she asked for "her big beautiful dick" so she could fuck me! I gave her Vixskin Johnny in our favorite strap-on harness, Kinklab's prosaically named "Adjustable Strap-On Dildo Harness". I helped her get it on, then asked her to choose a "boyfriend" for me to service orally; she picked the Cyberskin Perfect Pecker, which is dark brown and rather thick (6.3" around) with a challenging 6.25" length. I can deepthroat it, with effort, but I'm out of practice.

Her dick is, like my wife's dick, bigger than mine!

She ordered me to bend over the edge of the bed, but I dared ask her if I could please suck her beautiful cock (the one she was wearing) first? She looked down at me and told me: "Suck my DICK, bitch!" I gave her some great dildo head. All the way down to the balls with my chin pressing on her "nuts". She said I was a great dick sucker. She said she was going to have me suck her "boyfriend's" cock every day! I put her hands on the back of my head, and grabbed her hips, pulling and pushing her to show her how I wanted her to fuck my face. She fucked my face really well! She started going really deep, using her hands to "make me" take all of her big cock. After a short while, when her cock was all the way in my throat, with my chin pressing into her balls, she held my head down and fucked my throat with hard, short thrusts for several seconds until I gagged!

She told me it was time to get fucked. I put some lube on my ass (I'd prepared myself just before we began playing) and on her cock. I lubed up my Fleshlight Flight and put my rock-hard cock inside. I bent over the bed with my ass sticking out. My cock felt great in the Fleshlight. I moved it back and forth a few times, in what I hoped was a seductive manner. Soon, I felt her sliding her cock up and down my ass crack, and then I felt Johnny's big head pressing against my ass, and then I felt it start to go inside...it hurt! I asked her to pull out for 30 seconds or so, and asked her if she wanted so watch me suck cock while she waited. Yes! She said she liked watching me suck a big black cock.

Now she was able to slowly push her big dick into me, and then to push her full length in, until I felt her (aka Johnny's) balls on my ass cheeks! I said, "Goddess, your cock is HUGE! Fuck me! Make me your bitch forever!" I don't know where these thoughts came from, or why I felt compelled to blurt them out, but it turned me that part of me wanted to say them so passionately. She seemed amused! She started fucking me pretty hard. I should have stopped her. I wasn't ready to be fucked that hard!

I should have used more lube!!

But it felt SO good to have big cock inside me, especially with my sexy, fiery wife on the other end of it. I pushed back onto her thick 7" cock, moving my own 6.5" medium thick cock inside the Flight. She slapped my ass a couple of times and spat out the word "Bitch" into my ear. I felt like I was going to cum right away.

She leaned forward, and I felt her big nipples, and her breasts pressing into my back. I had just put my mouth back on the big brown cock, and she had taken me by the hair and pushed my head down onto the cock, then pulled my head back up when I was close to the bottom - and close to gagging. She pushed and pulled my head up and down a few more times in the rhythm she wanted. She told me to "make him cum in your bitch mouth".

I felt like I was going to cum...and then I realized I had just cum. I was still cumming. What the?! I could feel myself spurting inside the Flight, but the usual orgasmic pleasure just wasn't there! This was new to me. Maybe it was because my balls were tied? Anyway, I concentrated hard on my spurting cock, and did feel the orgasm somewhat, though not as much as usual. On a physical pleasure scale of 1 to 10, it was like a 2 or maybe a 1. It felt like peeing feels, but with thicker fluid. Maybe that's a prostate orgasm. I never had one like it before, and if I never have another one like it again, that'll be fine. I'd been expecting something like an 7, 8 or a 9, which is more typical.

Maybe it was the lube.

Or maybe the dick was just too big to feel really good. Too long and pokey. The thickness was fine. Next time, I think I'll have her fuck me with Softskin Elvis (Vamp Silicone), which is 1/4 inch shorter than mine, and almost exactly the same thickness (Elvis's head is a 1/4 less thick than mine). And it's got 360° balls that sit outside the harness. They feel good on my ass cheeks when my wife fucks me with it..

We've only used it two or three times. I loved it, but she didn't like it as much as she likes Johnny. I think she doesn't like the aesthetic: it's jet black, which she used to like, but now she prefers realistic. I remember she had a hard time keeping Elvis in me the first time. She's much more skilled at fucking now, though. On a par with me, I'd say, but not as much stamina. She doesn't need much usually. I usually cum in the first 5 or 10 minutes. If I recall correctly, I had a good (6/10) anal orgasm with Elvis both times I remember us using it. (I blogged about in` 2010).

Or we could use Vixskin Mustang, which is 6.5" long and 4.75" around (roughly the same size as the one guy I hooked up with repeatedly. I don't think she's ever pegged me with Mustang, but it was my favorite for solo play. If she uses that, I'll be the Big Dick in the family again. Yeah, maybe I'll have her use Mustang!

Although I didn't feel as great as I have before in sessions like this one, I was excited - electrified - about the overall experience. We hugged and kissed afterwards, and she assured me that she loved me and only me, and would never have another lover  besides me. She said I make her so happy she could never even seriously consider it.

Today, I felt OK, but not exactly great about the session. She gave me a blowjob this morning, which did help a lot! We both slept naked and I woke up with my morning wood pressed against her ass. I started moving it, which felt good, and soon she was awake. She put her hand on my cock and stroked. I touched her breasts, stomach, arms and legs, kissed her lips, neck and nipples. She moved down my body and started sucking. I came, hard, in about 10 minutes. I was a little disappointed I came before she could turn the blowjob into a 69. But it was still good.

Next time we play, it'll be my turn to dominate her, and I'm going to give it to her good! I'm thinking some bondage, maybe a blindfold. Definitely some spanking. Maybe I'll let her choose the "tool", by the sound it makes swishing through the air, or slapping on the bed, while she's blindfolded. Last time we did it that way, she picked a rattan cane! Of all our pain toys, that's the very harshest. I didn't cane her very hard, although it did leave some marks that were still there when we finished the session. She liked it! Of course, I'm going to fuck her ass, hard, for a long time. Or maybe I'll have her swallow. Or maybe both!!

What I really want at this moment is to put my cock inside her and fuck her good thinking dominant thoughts until I cum.

This!

Maybe in the morning - wish me luck!