Sunday, August 14, 2011

I Heart Porn Sluts!

I've been watching A LOT of porn lately, more than usual even.

If you knew me, you might guess it's because my wife has to work earlier lately and I've been having to work later, but that's not the reason. (And actually, we're still having sex about every other day, just not as many of the long kinky sessions we both love). The much cooler real reason is that I've started doing some reviews as part of my job! And that's meant access to beaucoup free porn, pretty much whatever I want as much as I want!

I was afraid at first that I'd lose perspective or become jaded. Hasn't happened yet! Maybe it won't happen at all. But I have...expanded on some of my beliefs and modified them...with the help of the most useful porn resource on the whole damm web - The Adult Internet Film Database - IAFD.

Thanks to them, I can look up lots of things about any given movie or porn star. It's not 100% complete and it's surely not 100% perfect - but then again, who or what is?

A few months ago, I started looking up my favorite actresses, seeing who swallowed more often in films. Then I realized IAFD also tells me their measurements, height/weight, age (and more). So I started making notes about my favorites, and observing what turns me on. I realized that I like 1) women with good waist to hip ratios; 2) tall women; 3) SLUTS!

I should explain a little about waist to hip ratio...someone figured out that the most attractive ratio of a woman's waist circumference to her hip circumference is about .70 - slightly larger than 34 inch hips if she's got a 24 inch waist. Most men like women with something close to this ratio. Some men prefer women slightly leaner than this (higher ratio); a lot of us prefer women with a lower ratio - small waist, BIG ASS! I've found that for me, anything less than a ratio of .70 (again, smaller ratio = bigger ass) is a turn on.

Tall is self explanatory, but I have found I like tall women only if they also have a good waist/hip ratio. But a tall woman with a good ratio is more attractive to me than a shorter one with the same ratio.

As for sluttiness! months ago I formulated one measure, an "ISP", or IAFD Swallow Percentage, where I take the number of films a porn actress has swallowed in and divide it by the total number of films she's done. I have found that the higher the number, USUALLY the more energetic and just...slutty...an actress tends to be.

But lately I have found a better measure of complete sluttiness - I call it the SuperSlut Quotient (SQ). This is the number of films an actress both does anal AND swallows in (yes, anal and swallows in the same film!), again divided by her total number of films. And this, I find, is a VERY good predictor of energy and sluttiness! And the women with the highest SQs are also the ones I find most attractive (at least to jack off to while watching them perform in porn films).

And although I usually like brunettes better than blondes, my perfect porn actress remains - the one and only Annette Schwarz. She is tall (5'11''), built (26 inch waist / 40 inch hips = waist/hip ratio of .65), and VERY slutty - 57 films with anal AND swallow in the same film, out of 248 fllms, for an SQ of 23.0!

AND she has real C cup boobs, AND she deepthroats really well, AND she has big feet (size 10 US, European size 42, another weird turn-on for me) AND she does kinky porn (BDSM, femdom, lezdom, pegging, facesitting, etc) AND she's still only 26 years old...

I guess it's time to review another of her films! Pleasant dreams!

Monday, April 4, 2011

New Toys (Oh Ay Oh)

(First, a shout out to Lene Lovich, whose birthday was just a couple of days ago. Often, when I get a new toy, I think of her song "New Toy", which was actually written by Thomas Dolby and actually seems to point out the futility of trying to "complete yourself" with possessions. But anyway.)

I've gotten three new toys in the last month or so, two of which were pretty much exactly what I expected. The other one is also very cool.

I described my new Don Wands Cobalt Bubble butt plug a couple of posts ago. I still love it!

In the same post I mentioned my curiosity about the Captain Silicone Dildo, made by Good Vibrations. Well, one of my favorite adult online retailers, SheVibe, just started stocking it for $44, which is $14 less than Good Vibrations. And to make it even cooler, I had a $10 coupon for my next SheVibe purchase. So what did I do? Of course, I spent all of the savings and then some on another dildo!

I noticed that the Cyber Cock comes in two colors. I already had the lighter color. Through trial and error over the past few years, I've discovered that my wife prefers dildos that more or less match her gorgeous olive skin. I saw the cinnamon Cyber Cock on SheVibe (their descriptions and pictures are really good) and figured, what the hell. It also looked a little different from the light-skinned one, about the same size but with a different head shape, different veins, different balls. So, I ordered it along with the Captain.

First impression: I'd forgotten the smell of new CyberSkin and I realized I like it a lot! It makes me horny! Also I'd forgotten how much my original Cyber Cock reminded me of the one real cock I've had in my hand, mouth and ass. They really got it right. The Cyber Cock I've had for over two years is still very lifelike. But the brand new one, even more so. Within 10 minutes of opening the box, I'd had a massive orgasm with the cinnamon Cyber Cock deep in my mouth! As I've been doing lately, I put the cum in my mouth and sucked on the head of the dildo, pretending it was a real man who I'd just sucked to completion, I squeezed "his" shaft to make him pulse in my mouth, as if squirting out the last few drops. The illusion was very believable and enjoyable, even after just cumming. I pulled my mouth off of "him" and stared at his hard shaft, his magnificent cock head, the wetness from my mouth covering his manhood from tip to root. I gently squeezed his lifelike balls, opened my mouth to "show him" the mouthful of his cum before I swallowed. Wow!

The only thing that wasn't as expected is the color. In the pictures I've seen of the cinnamon Cyber Cock, it looks similar to what some manufacturers call caramel, kind of a "Latino" skin color. The actual cinnamon Cyber Cock is much darker, more "African". My wife is tured off by darker skin tones, but to me it doesn't matter. I use the Cyber Cock almost entirely for solo play. And I'm turned on by beautiful people (men or women) regardless of their skin tone. Sexy transcends all that!

Anyway, I'm thrilled about the dildo. It's more realistic than I expected and it is different from the "caucasian" version, exactly like in the pictures. I've already had another orgasm sucking both of them, fantasizing about getting double-teamed by these two hot guys with gorgeous dicks!

It wasn't until the next day that I finally tried the Captain. Well, I like it, but I guess I'd been hoping it would be something like Vixskin and in that I was disappointed. It's hard, what I call "plain old silicone." It is realistically detailed and it's a great size - but not the size I expected. I mean, it measures up to the specs (7.25" insertable length, 1.9" diameter), but because it's so hard with so little give, it's effectively larger than the Dream Dick, the dildo I'd hoped to replace with it. It's too hard to be much good for oral, although I have managed to deep throat it (it's not easy!). By opening up my ass with the Cobalt Bubble plug and then opening it a little farther with the Vixskin Johnny, I was able to take it all the way up my ass. And I really enjoyed it! I like it better than the Vixskin Maverick. I guess that's because of the shape (straight, as opposed to Maverick's curve), but whatever the reason, I had a powerful anal orgasm (when I came, my anus, as well as my penis, pulsated in powerful orgasmic throbs) with the Captain up my ass, something I had experienced previously only with Johnny.

I'm really looking forward to my wife's pegging me with the Captain. The beauty is that "he" doesn't look as big or weigh as much as Maverick. Actually (I just checked) he doesn't weigh as much as Johnny. I'm in for a wild ride! I just hope she's gentle with me. Never mind - she never is!

Biting The Hand That Gives Me A Free Blog

I wrote this post in notepad. For some reason, it takes forever to log into blogger lately. Yes, I've scanned for spyware. Anyway, after spending half my lunch hour trying to post something, I decided to see if it was just me. So I googled "google slow" (yes, I get the irony). It took almost 3 minutes for the results to appear! Anyway, as I suspected, it's not just me. Other pages (like Facebook) load instantly. Google used to be super fast, which is why I've become so dependent on them for everything. Now I've gone back to MapQuest and I'm trying out things like Bing (Microsoft, shudder).

I'd rather use Google, because, y'know, they're not EVIL. But they're currently eating my life.

Dude, WTF?!?

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

On the other hand...

So, my last entry about porn?

Maybe I just wasn't horny enough when I wrote it. Now I'm horny and I see the positive side of porn. I should clarify: I'm horny in a submissive way.

Now, watching Kyra Black in Tamed Teens 3, I'm...moved. The difference is that the last time I watched it. I visualized myself in the guys' position. I didn't like the way that felt. Tonight, I'm visualizing what HER experience was like, having big dicks shoved down my throat and up my ass. I LOVE it! And in this state of mind, it really doesn't matter that the sex is mechanical and everybody's jaded about everything. If it was me getting buttfucked by one guy with the other guy's foot on my head, I would NOT be jaded about it.

It's been too long since my wife dominated me!

We had been "kinking" every two weeks or so. But I've been sick, she's been sick...

Now we're both well (how great that is!) and at least we're having sex again. Last night I fucked her ass in a spoon position. The previous 4 nights, I ate her ass and fucked her feet! That included some face bouncing, some ball-kicking and -crushing -- and about a dozen farts right in my nose and mouth! Also some dirty talk about cleaning and sucking her ass, about breathing and eating her farts and about her tying me up, whipping me, beating my balls "blue", and fucking me (she also reminded me that her dick (Vixskin Johnny) is bigger than mine!).

She's been having to start work early, so no morning sex. The late night stuff is fun, if a little dreamy and lazy.

Last weekend, I gave her head until she stopped me three times, fucked her in the spoon, missionary, doggie, cowgirl and reverse cowgirl positions and twice she made me cum in her mouth with her amazing mouth and hands. That was three amazing orgasms for me and maybe seven for her in about four hours on a wonderful leisurely Sunday morning into early afternoon.

But no kinky stuff so far this year. With her.

Solo is a different story.

By myself, I've cuffed my hands behind my back, worn a collar and cuffed my hands to that, bound my balls with parachute cord and also with a shackle; I've beaten my balls with a rubber night stick, with my hands and with various dildos and also crushed my balls beneath my body; I've sucked several different dildos and their balls; I've buttfucked myself with 4 different dildos (Vamp Elvis, Vixskin Johnny, Vixskin Maverick and Vixskin Outlaw) and I've eaten my own cum at least a dozen times.

Today, I locked my balls in a shackle, slapped them around a little, then sucked Johnny until I had enough saliva to lubricate my masturbation sleeve (Slipinside #1, my wife calls it my "slave tube"). Then I assfucked myself with Johnny while I sucked the Outlaw. I also sniffed her panties and her socks while I fucked the masturbation tube (and my ass and my mouth). It was good!

Not as good as having kinky sex with my beautiful, sexy wife... but orgasmic nonetheless!

Now I watch Kyra Black being treated the way I treated myself and I like it! This doesn't invalidate my criticisms of porn. I still like it better with the sound off because that way I can pretend whatever I want to about the actors. If I have to listen to their inane profanities and insincere moans and etc. it's harder to pretend that I'm Kyra and that these two well-hung, well-built guys OWN me, that they KNOW they own me and they get off on owning me; that I get off on being owned by them and they know this and are amused by it.

OK, now I'm going to suck my wife's gorgeous ass and fuck her goddess feet again! With a little luck, maybe we can have a serious kinky sex session soon!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

The Shortcummings of Porn

My reaction to porn films is as follows: After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw. After the first 20 minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live.
~Erica Jong, Playboy Magazine, September 1975


Maybe I've watched too much porn lately, but I've really gotten kind of sick of it.

Don't get me wrong - I'm a HUGE fan of porn - but lately I've finally seen the truth of some arguments against it.

First, it separates sex from love. Not always, but mostly. I'm thinking mainly of stuff like double anal, gangbang - sex as spectacle, sex as sport. Again, don't get me wrong - I enjoy watching extremely attractive and sexually skilled performers have sex with each other. But after awhile, with most porn stars, you realize they're doing it for the money and they don't really enjoy it or feel any connection to the people they're doing it with. And that realization just makes me sad. Some porn stars do manage to make (almost) every scene passionate and memorable - Annette Schwarz, Rebeca Linares, Monica Mattos, Sandra Romain to name a few - but they manage to be sexy despite mainstream porn's efforts to reduce sex to a formula: attractive persons a + b (and maybe + c, d, e, etc) performing x+y+z (etc) sex acts = profit.

Second, it contributes to "Sex Attention Deficit Disorder" (SADD). This is when someone who is used to masturbating while watching porn finds it difficult to stay adequately focused when having sex with a real person. Either they cum too quick, or they can't stay hard, or maybe they just aren't "there". I haven't been too affected, but I have found that my mind wanders sometimes. Sometimes I think about stuff I've seen in porn while having sex with my wife. But I've heard this is a big problem for a lot of people today.

Third, it creates unrealistic expectations. Again, this is not a big deal for us. My wife and I are both pretty hot, if I may say so. We get off on looking at ourselves in the mirror when we fuck. She gives me deep throat head on a regular basis, she loves when I cum in her mouth and lets me fuck her ass almost as much as I want. I give her head for 45 minutes or more whenever I get the chance and I fuck her silly when she wants it. But if I was turned on by shaved pubes, bleach blonde hair or big fake boobs, she would not pass the test. I think a lot of guys today who've learned about sex and women mainly from porn, expect all women to be shaved, stacked and up for anything. And that creates a lot of disappointment. On the other hand, I've also read that women today are giving in to those expectations, that more women do anal, deep throat and swallow then ever before. So maybe it's not all bad!

Anyway - all of the above are NOT really arguments against porn. Instead, they suggest ways for porn to improve.

A handful of my specific wishes for porn:
  • Women - lighten up on the potty mouth! I know it's borderline ridiculous to complain about language in porn films, but hearing someone go on and on in the foulest possible language - "oh yeah, that's it, fuck my tight little asshole...fuck yeah...fuck me...fuck me like the whore I am!" - especially when they obviously feel next to nothing - it's just a huge turn off.
  • Guys - just STFU! Why do some male porn directors or actors feel the need to run their mouths during porn scenes? Usually they're saying creepy things, again without the slightest hint of affection or passion. Does ANYONE like this?
  • Everyone - can you at least pretend that you feel some connection to the person you're sharing these intimate acts with? Maybe that would be easier without trying to make the Guinness book of sex records or whatever. If real sex is too boring for you, that's because YOU are boring, not because regular sex is boring. Done right, regular sex is probably the hottest thing in life.
Now I'm going to watch some porn and then go and join my wife in bed. Life is Good!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Being well is the best thing ever

We've been sick for almost a month. Bronchitis. Pretty sure we picked it up at a New Year's party. We went to three; each party had at least a couple of sick people. Who kept wanting to talk to us. What sucks is that none of the parties was all that much fun. I would rather have been home having sex with my wife. And then I was sick for over two weeks. About when I got better, my wife got sick. Fortunately she's starting to feel better. But - almost no sex for about a month.

Naturally I've been whacking off like a bandit. For about two weeks. Two, three times a day. Early morning before work. Evening after work before she gets home (or before she stops working if she's working from home). Late night right before bed (for instance, right after this).

Today I went upstairs about 5, stripped, tied my balls with parachute cord and sucked some serious silicone DICK. Vixskin Johnny, which I can easily deep throat repeatedly and then Vixskin Outlaw, which I can throat all but about the last inch of.

Turns out I can take Johnny up my ass without any other warmup now. I used to have to start with something smaller, but today with plenty of lube I managed to get it in with minimal pain. Actually, it hurt (about 2.5 on a scale of 1 to 10) for a couple of seconds but it was fine after I pulled out and then it went in without pain 15 or so seconds later.

I realized today that the drawer of my dresser is just the right height. If I (gently) wedge Johnny's balls in the drawer, it's easy to fuck myself standing up. So I slid it in easily the second try and fucked myself silly for a few minutes. On the front end, I sucked on the Outlaw.

And then I switched. After a few minutes of Johnny, the Outlaw went in right away. Felt HUGE, though and I was grateful that the door kept the last 1.5 inches or so from going in. Still, even with "only" about 7.5 inches of 2 inch thick dick, I felt thoroughly manhandled!

After that, I moved to the bed and sucked both Johnny and the Outlaw while I fucked my "slave tube" (Slipinside #1). I put a medium sized vibrating bullet in my butt. It ended all too soon! I stopped sucking for a moment and just LOOKED at the two big dicks with my saliva all over them, the wet mark going all the way down to the balls (well, almost to the balls in the case of the Outlaw). I imagined I'd just made both of them cum (one in my ass and one in my mouth, with the cum swallowed of course).

My orgasm was huge, especially considering it was the second of the day. Anal orgasm, too. Powerful! I have a perverse urge to film it next time, me sucking on a big dick while impaling myself on another.

I can't wait to have sex with my wife again! She's said several times she feels the same.

Oh, well, I'm going to go see what my THIRD orgasm of the day is like!