6 years.

It's been 6 years since I posted on here. Mainly because I was extremely contented and didn't feel like working through my tangled sexuality or whatever.

Now there are a lot of things I need to figure out, and since posts exploring sexuality can be fun and sexy, I thought of the blog, which I'd many times considered either resuming, or deleting. So here we go.

I can start with what I'm into lately, which is what I've always pretty much been into: asses and cocks. This morning I came into my Fleshlight Pilot while watching a compilation of Jynx Maze getting her ass licked (I lasted about 3 minutes). Yesterday, I sucked a dark-skinned Cyber Cock dildo while watching a JOI video with visuals of big cocks and a female narrator who "encourages" the listener to give into their desire to please superior cock (took me maybe 10 minutes).

The phrases "suck my dick" and "kiss my ass" really get me off. One of my favorite auto-erotic games when I'm watching videos is to keep a dildo handy, and if the word "suck" is said three times, or twice as a command, I have to start sucking the dildo. If a woman "tells me" to kiss her ass, I have to imagine doing it, and to cum as quickly as possible (lately, just a few seconds usually).

I realized I don't like huge cocks. Don't get me wrong, I love big cocks/dildos, but above a certain size they're just a pain in the ass (pun intended, and too-big dildos can also be a pain in the throat). 6.5 to 8 inches is the size that turns me on the most, not hugely thick if it's on the larger end. 

The Vixskin Outlaw turns me on so much, I bought two of them years ago, the "chocolate" and  then later the "caramel". But now I rarely use either of them. I'd be glad to sell the caramel one if I could figure out how.

Several years ago, I used to do a lot of anal play, with my wife at the time (who was into strapon sex), and also solo. Lately, I just suck. Rarely do I put anything in my ass, and if I do, it's usually a vibrating bullet.

The thought of having actual sex with an actual person seems ridiculous and impossible. My wife was amazing and no one else comes close enough. I do fantasize a lot, about kissing ass, giving head, getting blowjobs, getting fucked, getting spitroasted, being cuckolded...

I especially like the idea of playing the older cuckold husband with a young couple. We'd pretend that she was married to me, but liked having sex with a hot younger man (her husband). I'd kiss her ass and lick her pussy, and suck his cock before (and ideally also while and maybe after) they fucked. 

But I haven't put any hookup apps on my phone, and I don't know of anything good online since Craigslist. I hooked up twice through CL over the years, once to give a blowjob to a guy who laughably overstated his cock size, and once with a guy who wanted to compare cocks (I was way bigger).

I also met a guy through Collarspace and sucked his cock, but it was pretty lame. His cock was on the short side, he himself was a big on the fat side, and he had to jack off a long time before he could get off (big fragrant load and he was impressed that I swallowed it all).

All of that was years ago and for now I'm just going to keep pleasuring myself. 

Fantasy sex and real sex are way different. Real women are amazing, and they can be quite flawed in many ways and still be incredibly sexy. Women (or men) in fantasy have to be close to perfect.

Stretch marks are a huge turn off when I'm looking at porn pics. If a woman's asshole is "messed up" (ass fanciers will know what I mean), then I'm no longer interested in looking at her pics. If a woman is too skinny, or more "fat" than "voluptuous", then I'm out.

In real life, these things aren't deal breakers. But in fantasy they are. And I'll bet these "perfect" fantasy women each have something that would make them unpleasant to live with in real life.

As far as who I'm into in terms of fantasy, it's an ever-expanding list. Jynx Maze, I've decided, probably has the best ass in porn history, and it's amazing that after so many anal poundings, her asshole remained close to perfect. She farted in a guy's face in at least one scene, which instantly made her a fave when I watched it.

Long-missed, Queen AdyBa, who loved (and hopefully still loves) farting on a face, will always be at the top of my favorites. Most of femdom is driven by men and their fantasies, but AdyBa seemed always to be directing the action to fulfill HER desires. Her attitude can't be matched.

Brazil fart porn is great: big-assed dominant women farting on smaller, weaker subs, sometimes "making" them swallow it. In my current favorite video, Grazy has a guy in helpless bondage in a smotherbox. She smothers him and farts on him a lot, making him swallow several and repeatedly lifting one ass cheek to fart in his face before sealing off his air again.

I still follow "Wifey". She's older than I'm usually into, but I've been following her for over 20 years now and I've kind of aged with her. Now that she's having sex with lots of guys who all just happen to have cocks bigger than her husband's, there's a whole new edge (and she almost always swallows).

Heather Harmon's comeback wasn't as big as I'd hoped, but she and Jim are as amazing as ever. Only Cathy Heaven, Annette Schwarz, Bobbi Starr and a rare few others give such amazing head. It would be fun to see her sucking other big beautiful cocks besides her husband's, but his dick is way bigger than mine and it's always a turn-on watching those two.

In a recurring fantasy, I live in a cock-centric femdom prison slash video production compound. It is in fact a prison with barred cells, and the prisoners are forced to make humiliating femdom videos and to serve the dommes in many ego-crushing ways. I haven't settled on a name yet, but a contender is Femdom Fun World.

The male pecking order is determined solely by penis size. Guys with dicks smaller than 5.5 inches ("Little Dicks",) are feminized, subject to castration if they misbehave, and required at all times to obey all men with bigger dicks, including having to suck cock or bend over for them on command. Guys with dicks bigger than 6.5 inches ("Big Dicks") are usually immune from having to obey bigger guys - but there are all kinds of twists and deceptions and politics and kinky sadism.

Guys with dicks between 5.5 and 6.5 inches can abuse Little Dicks under certain conditions, but must submit to Big Dicks at other times.

Ruling it all are the dommes, who are led by a sadistic young Queen (who prefers to be addressed by subs as "goddess", Big Dicks can call her "your majesty" or "your highness"). She is tall, strong, excruciatingly sexy and habitually, relentlessly cruel. She loves having subs wipe her ass (a coveted honor for subs), and all kinds of kinky sex, especially queening, forced bi, ballbusting and her favorite, castration. 

Men sign up to join, lured by the promise of quick money in a bad economy, often with the encouragement of their wives, most of whom it turns out knew they were essentially selling their husbands into slavery. Sometimes the wives torment their imprisoned husbands by making actual cuckolding videos with bigger-dicked studs, making their sub hubbies lick pussy and ass, suck cock, smell farts and eat cum. Supposedly, the men are signing up for a limited contract (6 months or a year),  but there's a castration clause in the contract all have to sign (and almost nobody reads): if they opt not to renew their contract, they are free to leave - but their testicles become the permanent property of the organization when they sign, and if they want to leave, they have to leave without their balls.

When the subs sign up, they are allowed to check up to ten items on an opt-out list of humiliating acts and told they won't be forced to do "anything that doesn't turn them on". Arousal is measured with a sensor, and kinky guys being who they are, it turns out almost anything is a turn on to men in long-term chastity, even fetishes they explicitly opted out of. So subs are tricked (or betrayed by their own arousal) into every kind of humiliation.

The video production business is hugely profitable (of course, the prisoners are cheated out of their money), both from the femdom side, and from the unexpected bonus of the wives. The wife vs big dick videos prove to be almost as popular as the sub vs domme ones, and some of the best abuse on the helpless subs is inflicted by their wives. The Small Dicks stage a rebellion slash escape attempt, and when it fails, the leaders are publicly castrated and anyone with a cock under 6 inches is put in permanent chastity.

Most of these fantasies are submissive I realize. In real life I've been dominant most of the time, and I frequently have dominant fantasies. I like to get my cock sucked, I like to fuck pussy as well as male and female ass. I often fantasize about being obediently served by a cuckold couple. 

It would be fun to be a Big Dick in Femdom Fun World. Lately though, I'm probably 2/3 of the time into submission. I'm getting really good at sucking dildos again, which is a fun topic for another post.

Humiliate yourself for Me

Hey, you - yes you!

You're a submissive little bitch. I know that's why you're here, because you crave to be dominated and humiliated. You want to learn new, more arousing ways to degrade yourself. You want to be dominated by a superior Man.

Like Me, for example.

I'm confident, well-hung, experienced - and I get laid at least several times a week with a woman hotter than you'll EVER be with. She likes to suck my big cock - and swallowing. She doesn't like anal sex, but when I ask for it, she bends over and sticks her ass up for me, because she likes to obey me.

You wish you could submit to Me like my wife does, don't you?

Ha! But you CAN humiliate yourself for Me, which is a way to obey and serve Me.

Here is a program that will turn you into a complete bitch in a systematic, step-by-step process:

- Get a realistic dildo bigger than your dick (that will be easy for most of you little-dick bitches!)

- Teach yourself to suck Cock really well by practicing on the dildo. Learn to deepthroat. Watch porn movies with talented cocksuckers, and try to suck your dildo just like they suck dick in their films. Practice every day.

- Learn how to prepare yourself for receiving anal sex. Learn how to clean your bitch asshole (aka your sissy pussy) by using an anal douche. Find a sex lube that you like, lube up your fingers and use them to teach your asshole how to open up to receive Cock. Start with one finger. When you're comfortable with one, try two. When you're comfortable with two, scissor your fingers until you're comfortable with that. At this point, you should be ready for the real thing.

- Fuck yourself with your dildo. Open up your ass to the point where you can comfortably fuck yourself balls-deep with the dildo AT LEAST a hundred times. When you get fucked by a real Man, he may fuck you a THOUSAND times or more before he cums. Watch anal porn and fuck yourself just like the stud is fucking ass in the film.

- Masturbate ONLY when you have the dildo in your mouth or in your ass. Remember that you're training yourself for the real thing. The Man will always cum before you cum. Practice sucking long enough to make a Man cum (AT LEAST 5-10 minutes) before you let your bitch dick (aka your sissy clit) cum. Lean to cum with cock up your ass. Consider buying a second dildo so you can know what it would be like to have Cock in both your holes.

- Learn to eat your cum and do it every time. It's not easy at first. You'll lose interest after you cum, but you can train yourself to swallow your own cum with practice. As you jerk off, constantly remind yourself that you're going to eat your cum, and dwell on that thought as you get closer to orgasm. Visualize yourself cumming in your hand, then immediately and without thinking, putting the cum in your mouth and swallowing.

- When you reach the point that you always eat your cum when you jerk off, learn to savor it and to prolong the sensation. Hold the cum in your mouth for a minute or more. Look at yourself in the mirror with a mouthful of cum. Pretend it's the sperm of a Real Man. Watch yourself swallow and remind yourself that you're a cum-swallowing sissy slut.

- When you are comfortable sucking cock and swallowing cum, start actively seeking Real Cock on Craigslist. Respond to posts from nearby guys wanting to get their Cock sucked. Respond to lots and lots of posts. Make your own posts. Always reply quickly, and submissively. Do whatever the Man wants. If he wants your pictures, send them immediately. Dick pic, body pic, face pic - whatever. Don't be afraid - just do what the Man tells you to do. Be willing to travel as far as necessary. Host if at all possible. Chip in for a motel room if that's what it takes, or just pay for it yourself. Consider being generous. Learn to give head in a car. Deepthroat. Swallow. Tell the Man you like having your mouth fucked like a pussy. ALWAYS be on the hunt for Cock to suck.

- If someone you meet on Craigslist wants to fuck you, let him. Prepare your ass the way you've practiced. Clean it thoroughly, lube it generously, and open it up with your fingers. Always have a few condoms with you and always put them on the Man's Cock before he fucks your sissy pussy. Learn to moan like a girl when a Man fucks you. If he wants you to feminize yourself (women's clothing, wig, makeup, shaving/waxing etc), learn to make yourself pretty and feminine for him. Whatever it takes.

- If you're in a relationship with a woman, start telling her your submissive desires. Tell her everything. Tell her how much you love and worship Cock. Suck your dildo in front of her. Tell her you'd like to suck a real cock in front of her.

- Tell her you like to be fucked. Fuck yourself with the dildo in front of her, and tell her how much you'd like to be fucked by a Real Man in front of her.

- Tell her you'd like to see her have sex with a Real Man in front of you, how you'd like to watch her suck his superior Cock, how you'd like to watch him fuck her, how you'd like to see how much more she enjoys being fucked by a strong, dominant Real Man with a big Cock than by a little-dick bitch like yourself.

- Encourage her to dominate and abuse you. Buy toys for her to use on you, like whips, paddles, etc. Be sure to get a quality strapon harness so she can wear the dildo and fuck you with it. Always suck "her dick" enthusiastically, like the sissy bitch you yearn to be, and always moan like a girl when she fucks you. Encourage her to spank you, to choke you, to pull your hair, and to abuse you verbally when she fucks you.

- Encourage her to slap your face, to hurt your nipples and to abuse your dick and balls. Teach her to squeeze, slap and kick your balls hard enough to cause you real pain.

- Offer to kiss her ass ("may I PLEASE kiss Your Ass, Goddess?") all the time. Kiss her feet without her having to ask. Suck her toes. Perform oral sex on her as often as she likes. Make her cum, and don't ask her to do anything for you. Tell her you like jerking off. Jerk off with your face in her ass as often as possible. Take pride in cleaning her ass crack and asshole. Always try to stick your tongue further up her ass. Fuck her ass with your tongue. Encourage her to sit on your face, to bounce up and down on your face, to grind her ass into your face really hard. Let her know it's OK if she wants to fart in your nose and/or mouth. Learn to cum with your face in her ass and your dick between her feet (you'll both be on your side). Always lick the cum off off her feet and swallow it.

- When you jerk off in front of her, always cum as quickly as possible. Avoid cumming any other way besides jerking off. If she wants you to fuck her, pull out and jerk off to finish. If she starts to suck you, put your hand on your dick and jerk yourself off into your hand instead. If she really wants to suck you, encourage her to put the cum into your mouth after you cum in her mouth or hand. Look her in the eye as you swallow, and open your mouth to show her it's all gone. Be proud of how well you swallow cum.

- Refer to your dick as your sissy clit. Ask her what size of penis turns her on the most. Get a dido that size and compare yourself to it in front of her. Tell her you worship that big beautiful Cock like a god. Encourage her to make fun of your little dick, to make up a humiliating nickname for it, and to constantly remind you that she'd have a lot more fun with a bigger one.

- Encourage her to have sex with the dildo. Get her a larger dildo if she wants. Be sure to keep reminding her how much she enjoys "the big Cock", and how much you enjoy watching her have sex with a bigger Cock.

- Teach her about ruined orgasms, about chastity and cuckolding. Get a chastity device and give her all the keys to the lock. Give her permission to have sex with Real Men. Tell her you would like to watch, and participate (by sucking him or her, etc), but also tell her it's OK if you're not there when she has sex with them.

- If possible, use Craigslist to find Real Men to fuck her in front of you. Give them whatever they want. If they want you to give them head, or to let them fuck you in front of her, do it, enthusiastically and submissively.. Encourage these Men to dominate you verbally in front of her, to be as rude, selfish and demanding as possible.

- Always encourage her, and any of the Men in her life, to find new and meaner ways to dominate you.

Enjoy!  If you want more specific instructions, just ask in the comments and I'll be glad to help. If you live in the NYC area and would like me to dominate and/or cuckold you, let me know!

A Cuckold's Chance in Hell (a POV femdom humiliation joi clip idea)

[This is an idea I just had for a JOI/CEI clip with a cuckold theme; it's free to anyone who will make the clip. If you make a clip based on the idea, please leave a comment with a link, and I will buy it!]

A beautiful woman smirks into the camera. She's wearing a skimpy outfit which shows off her curves. I picture a lacy bra and a miniskirt. The camera moves smoothly around from her face to her breast, ass, legs, feet (etc), and then back to her face...

"Hello, my cuckold bitch 'husband'. Would you like to get out of chastity for a few minutes? What's that? Yes I KNOW you're a couple of weeks overdue for your monthly humiliating orgasm. You know I've been busy, what with my new boyfriend and all.

"Anyway...he's coming over in about an hour. If it's like last time, as you know, he'll just carry me off to the bedroom, where we'll fuck for hours.

"Aw... are you CRYING? What a little bitch! You're such a pathetic, small-dicked loser! Maybe this will cheer you up: I'm gonna give you a chance to win me back. That's right: if you can pass this simple test, I'll call my boyfriend and tell him not to come over, and you and I can go to the bedroom instead. In all honesty, I wouldn't enjoy your ugly little dick nearly as much as I enjoy my boyfriend's big, beautiful COCK - but you ARE my husband, after all. [Giggles]

"All you have to do is, stare at my body and jerk your little dick for 5 minutes - without cumming. I will shake my tits and ass in your face, and you will have to keep stroking your little penis. If you can make it 5 full minutes without spilling your filth, I'll call my boyfriend and tell him that it's over and YOU are my man now.

"What's the catch? Well, if you fail, OF COURSE my boyfriend will keep coming over ever day and fucking my brains out, AND you won't get out of chastity for AT LEAST THREE MONTHS this time... AND one more thing... as you know, my boyfriend is a MAJOR stud. He needs to cum AT LEAST once a day, usually two or three times. The only trouble is, his cock is so big that I just can't take it every day. I mean, my pussy gets sore, my ass gets sore - even my mouth is sore. So...if you lose, you will have to help us out.

"I mean, when he wants sex but I'm too sore, YOU will have to take care of him, and his beautiful cock. I already asked him about it, and he likes the idea, especially after I told him how well you suck my strapon, and how much you like getting pegged! And I know YOU like the idea, don't try to deny it. We both know you want to be a cuckold cocksucker!

"I'm going to remove your chastity device now... [shows a key, reaches under the frame and pretends to unlock and remove a chastity device; should take 10 seconds or so]

"Ah, doesn't that feel good? What a relief, right! Wow, your little dick is SO hard..." [Giggles]

Sexy music plays. She starts dancing. The camera is at the level of her crotch/ass. The camera moves around smoothly between her ass, legs, feet, breasts and face, with an occasional quick cut to a timer or clock counting down from 5 minutes.

"Jerk your little dick for my perfect body, you pathetic cuckold bitch!"

She turns around and lifts her skirt to reveal she's wearing either no panties, or something extremely skimpy and sexy.. She sensually sways her ass a few feet from the camera, then turns around to show off her breasts and to talk right into the camera.

"That's right, keep jerking that hard little prick - just use your thumb and forefinger, bitch! My boyfriend's dick takes two hands - your little dicklet only needs two fingers!"

If she's into farting, and she has to fart, she should turn around, lift her skirt, command the viewer to "put your nose right right up my BUTT [or ASS]" - and rip a fart, loudly and proudly, right into the camera! If that happens, "That's right, THAT'S what I think of you! Smell it - breathe that FART, you little bitch! Take it all in! Does it smell good? Of course it does! [points at the camera and laughs] Oh look, you came all over yourself when I FARTED in your face! You're so pathetic. Eat your cum, right now! Eat it!!" [laughs loudly]

 If she doesn't need to fart during the video, she can still 'talk shit' about it. She should put her ass right in the camera and say, "Sniff it - smell my ASSHOLE, you little bitch. Take a DEEP whiff! Does that smell good? Of course it does! I bet you're hoping I FART right now, right in your pathetic cuckold face! Believe me, if I need to fart, I will! Whenever my ass is this close to your face, I wanna fart! THAT'S what I think of you! Oh, look, you came all over yourself just thinking about me FARTING in your face! Is anything more pathetic than that?! Eat your cum, right now bitch! Eat it!!!"

If she's not into farting, she can keep shaking her ass and breasts in the camera while she says humiliating things, like how her boyfriend doesn't just have a bigger dick - although it is MUCH bigger and more beautiful - but how he's also taller, more muscular, better looking, a better dresser, a better dancer, MUCH better at fucking, how much he cums, and how powerfully (etc)... She can talk about how much her boyfriend enjoys her perfect body, how he loves to squeeze her ass cheeks and fondle her breasts, how the viewer is going to have to learn to be a sissy slut if he loses! How her boyfriend will insists that he (the viewer, of course) put on a wig and some sexy lingerie - at the very least.- if he's going to service him.

There are nearly endless variations possible for this. One I especially like would involve a minute or two of body shaking and humiliating talk - and then a surprise strapon reveal! She'll turn around, and lift her skirt to reveal a large (but not ridiculous) realistic strapon. She can 'jack off' for a bit, then command the viewer to "Suck it - SUCK my DICK, you little bitch!"

However she does it, OF COURSE the poor viewer will not last the full five minutes. After mocking him, and commanding him to eat his own cum, she will pretend to put him back in chastity (a click would help) and remind him that he's not going to get out of chastity again for at least three months! ("Aw, don't cry, bitch!"). Finish by telling the viewer there's a wig and some slutty lingerie for him in the bedroom. He has just enough time to get ready for her boyfriend. Yes, that's right: she KNEW he was going to lose. After all - that's what a LOSER does best, right!?

"Now KISS my ASS and go get ready!"

The End

Runtime should be about 5 minutes. I'll post more of these ideas as they occur to me!

What I did with my dick

Not me.

I didn't fuck my wife and I didn't get a blowjob from a guy. I didn't even try. I just jerked off thinking about kissing female ass, fucking female ass, being farted on by a hot female ass, being cuckolded, being the bull fucking another guy's wife's ass, getting head from a hot female, and finally again, fucking a hot female ass..

This was the image I was looking at when I came:

I came into my hand and ate it. It tasted good. I hadn't cum in 2 days so I came a lot. I felt pretty good afterwards, I was relieved that I didn't get a blowjob from a guy. I was a little sad thinking about how much more awesome it would have been to cum inside my wife.

Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up in time to fuck my wife!

What to do with my dick?

Haha. I need to decide whether to fuck my wife in the morning, or try to get a blowjob from a guy.

The answer is obvious, isn't it? I should fuck my wife!

The only problem is that I may not wake up before she gets up. Once she has breakfast and coffee, it's all over. She will never come back to bed after that. She actually did, a couple of times, but it wasn't any good.

Actually that's not true - once, she had breakfast and coffee, and then she sat on my face/head for about 45 minutes while she talked on the phone with her friend. She was naked, and my head was under the covers. She farted a couple of times, and I wasn't allowed to cum until she got off the phone. That was awesome. 

Of course, it was my idea. One thing I've learned about my wife is that if I don't suggest it, it's not going to happen. That even goes for me giving her head. Once I start to do it, she really likes it, but I don't think she's ever initiated even that. 

The one time I can remember her initiating sex was when I asked her, at bedtime, to wake me up in the morning with a blowjob. She did, and it was awesome. (In the interests of fairness, reciprocity and all that jazz, I woke her with oral a couple of days later. She did NOT like it at all). 

But she almost never refuses me, either. If I start kissing her in the morning, and I want to fuck her, I will fuck her. If I want a blowjob, she'll give me a blowjob. If I want to fuck her in the ass - she'll say no! But I'll get in there on a weekend night very soon. If I ask for a blowjob more than one day in a row, she might give in, but she won't be happy about it. Ditto if I want to fuck her two days in a row. 

If I want sex 4 days in a row (which is about the most I hope for these days), it will have to start with kinky sex, ideally anal. The next morning, I can lick her to several orgasms and then receive a blowjob. The morning after that, I can cum between her feet with my face up her ass. The morning after that, I can fuck her (vaginally). Then, there has to be at least one day off, more likely two. The order of sex acts can vary, but the basic pattern stays the same: a different kind of sex, or no sex, each day, never the same thing more than once in a row.

It was different when we were dating. Then I could fuck her several times over the course of one day and/or night. And then I could fuck her again the next day. 

I like it a lot better now, because I have more sex, and to me that beats the higher intensity of the dating sex. It definitely makes us closer, and I guess it's more endorphins gushing through our bloodstreams. 

Yesterday morning, I made her cum with my mouth and hands, and then she sat on my face and gave me a pretty good blowjob. She played with my balls a lot, and rubbed her pussy in my face while she sucked me. Her ass in my face is amazing. She sucked me deeper than halfway a couple of times. She let me cum in her mouth. She was discreet about spitting it out. Two days before that, I kissed/licked/sucked her ass and came on her feet. Two days before that, I came inside her while fucking her in doggy (with a little choking and hair-pulling)..

Lately I've been wondering what it would be like to get a blowjob from a guy. I want to be sucked with enthusiasm, I want to be deepthroated, and I want my cum to be swallowed! Basically, I want to experience better head, maybe better than I ever got before. How will I feel, after? 

I think I'm going to try to wake up in time to fuck my wife. Yep.

Actions speak louder than words, I guess

Yesterday morning, I fucked my wife's face, and she fondled my balls, until I came in her mouth. I didn't imagine any fantasies, I just enjoyed what was happening, and thought about that. I came a lot. It felt amazing from start to finish, and just as good afterwards. All day it felt good.

This morning, I fucked my wife from behind and came inside her pussy. I only lasted a few minutes. She wasn't getting off on it much, and I fantasized about watching a guy with a big dick fuck her, with her getting off on it in a HUGE way. I looked at her back and the back of her neck and head, and imagined that she was thinking about getting fucked by that guy, and I came in just a few seconds. I came pretty hard. The orgasm lasted about 45 seconds. I have felt GREAT all day.

I still looked at CL yesterday and today. Just now, I replied to a guy in his 20s looking to receive head, and maybe to give it, too. I don't expect a response. That's what usually happens. The old L.A. "no".

Not sure why I keep looking. Maybe it's just a desire to do something dangerous. Or maybe I just want cock, in addition to amazing female ass, tits, mouth...and everything. I love to fantasize I'm doing it because my wife told me to do it. 

Anyway, it's been a fun weekend. I hope the week ahead is good, too.

Could it be...Satan?!

Sometimes I wonder WHY I get turned on by submissive fantasies and actions.

Lately, I've been fantasizing about sucking cock, and indulging the fantasy by searching for pics of "superior" cocks online, and sometimes I actually suck a realistic dildo while I masturbate, usually the "Perfect Pecker" (aka thick BBC).

As if that wasn't submissive enough, I also have recurring fantasies about my wife cuckolding me with a "superior" man with a "superior cock. In one of my favorite fantasies lately, She makes me kiss and lick Her Ass in from of Him, and of course, She farts in my nose/mouth and they Both think it's hilarious.

Because his cock is so big, my wife can only handle him a couple of times a week. Being a VERY manly man, He needs/demands to cum at least once a day, and a guy like that doesn't jerk off. So I have to service him, of course, giving him expert, worshipful blowjobs whenever he tells me to (sometimes multiple times a day), and bending over at his command.

He has no respect for me at all.

He likes to slap me in the face with his big cock, and to rub it, and his big hairy balls, all over my face. He washes up carefully before he has sex with my wife, but when I'm going to service him, he doesn't bother washing up at all. He likes to compare His Cock with my little "dicklet" (my wife called it that, and he thought it was hilarious and copied her) and laugh, especially when my wife is there to laugh with him. His Cock is about twice as big as my dicklet, significantly longer, and MUCH thicker. I can just barely deepthroat it, and sucking it for more than a couple of minutes makes my jaw ache for hours.

Sometimes he makes me wear a chastity device, other times he makes me jerk off into my hand and eat it BEFORE I serve his pleasure. He cums in my mouth (and throat, and ass) without warning, and he expects my ass to be ready for him at all times. When he fucks me, he just tells me to stick my ass up, and as soon as I do, he rams his big cock in all the way with no mercy. He fucks my throat the same way. After seeing my wife fart in my face, he also makes me lick his ass, and he is highly amused to fart loudly in my nose/mouth with no warning. He also finds it amusing to hit and kick me in the balls, and to squeeze my balls too hard while he's fucking me.

Of course he likes to have my wife suck his dick in front of me, and to fuck her while I watch. Of course, she gets off MUCH more with him and his big cock than she ever did with me and my little dicklet. She says it, both when she and I are alone, and when the three of us are together.

Why would I have a fantasy like that?!

I can't help but think this is what a religious person would call the work of the devil! Other bedevilments include wanting to browse the m4m section of CL, and even occasionally to reply to a post. Only if the poster is well-endowed, looking for a blowjob, close by, and hosting. But CL being what it is, I have yet to make a connection. There's a black guy in his mid 20's who's been looking for someone like me, an older white guy with no gag reflex. He wants to cum at least twice. He has a Big Dick. I replied. He was interested. And then he was gone. He contacted me later when it was impossible for me to get away, but I have gotten seriously aroused thinking about sucking his Cock and getting my face fucked until I'm digesting at least two loads of his sperm. Just now I looked. There's a guy not far from here, "tall with a big dick" looking to get his dick sucked tomorrow. I replied. Let's see what happens. I probably won't (can't) actually do it, and that's almost certainly for the best. The fantasy is so powerful, though, that I can't help putting my fingers near the fire. My wife has been sick for a couple of weeks, so I've been unusually horny. I've even been checking out some of the posts by guys wanting to suck dick. I replied to a couple of those. Those guys are quick to respond, and eager to please! Again, nothing has come of it, and probably, nothing will. Years ago, I got a pretty good blowjob from a drag queen, but I've never had a BJ to completion from a masculine guy. When I'm as horny as I am now, I think I would like it. It would have to feel as good as my hand does, right?

But then I think, "What about AFTER?" That's always the important part. I don't think I'd feel very good after sucking another guy's dick, or after getting my dick sucked by a guy.

Still, it feels good to fantasize about it, and I haven't felt bad after cumming while fantasizing about either of those things. That's not all I fantasize about lately, but it's been the dominant theme for the last month or so. I've also cum thinking about getting my dick sucked by a woman, sometimes my wife, sometimes another guy's wife. Sometimes I fantasize about cumming inside another woman's pussy, or ass. A lot of times when I'm close to cumming from thinking about something submissive, I "flip the script" and think about something dominant while I cum. Probably my favorite current fantasy is to cum inside another man's wife and get her pregnant! In the fantasy, I'm out of town, anonymous, and untraceable. Usually the husband has to either suck my cock then guide me into his wife's pussy, and/or he licks/sucks my balls and or ass while I fuck her with no protection.

And sometimes I just look at pictures of sexy naked women and cum thinking about them.

Before my wife got sick, the sex was pretty good. I had a minor injury a couple of months ago, and there was only about a 10 day window between recovering from that and my wife's getting sick. In that time, I made her cum with oral on 3 different days, fucked her a couple of times, got two blowjobs, and kissed her ass while fucking her feet once.

I can't wait until she's well again. Maybe this weekend...