My alternative lifestyle explored

Well, like I wrote a couple of days ago, I'm not technically gay. Never mind that I'm married and have had sex with a fairly large number of women. When I comes to getting turned on, I'm much more turned on by female ass, tits, feet, faces (etc) than I am about anything male.

But I do also like COCK! And I've been lucky enough to have swallowed cum about a hundred times and to have been fucked in the ass about half a dozen times. I fantasize about gay sex, 99% of the time with me on the receiving end of the cock. Which is about the percentage I've had it in real life.

It started in high school with giving my friend a BJ, then another, then another...and then for several years, nothing happened (homosexually, that is to say). I went off to college, went to work, fell in love with an amazing woman, got burned, fell in love with another amazing woman, got burned again...and finally moved back to my hometown.

(There were a couple of missed opportunities to have gay sex with other guys in between, but I'll talk about them later).

A few weeks after moving back home, I ran into my old friend. He was living with his mom and her new husband. He invited me to spend the night. I accepted and took a couple of hardcore porno mags with me. After locking the doors to his room, we looked at the magazines and I saw his erection grow to full force under his cutoff jeans. After a while, I said quietly, "You remember what we used to do in high school?"

He seemed to be expecting this. "You mean those blowjobs?"

I nodded. "You want to do it again?"

He stood up, dropped his shorts and walked over in front of me, erection in hand. I slid down to my knees and kissed, licked, then passionately sucked his cock. I had fantasized about this a hundred times or more in the years apart. His dick was still the same, only now he was more aggressive and rough with me. He took my head in his hands and started fucking my mouth and throat. When I realized I could take his full length like this without gagging (I'd been practicing on a dildo), I put my hands on his ass and guided his thrusts. I loved to feel his dominant, greedy power as he throat-fucked me! And his ass was still very sexy, hairier and more muscular. I paused to suck his balls and then he turned around and I licked his ass. Then he fucked my face until he came. I swallowed. I was disappointed by the amount of cum, but I loved that I had made him cum and my sore lips would remind me of his power and dominance for a couple of days. Just as I had done years before, I jacked off to powerful orgasms three times in the space of about 20 minutes after going off to the room where I was sleeping.

He had been married, divorced and had spent time in jail in between. It hadn't changed him much, but he was more direct and tough. I liked it. We hooked up a few more times that year, but he wasn't in the greatest shape and the encounters weren't that memorable. He was drinking too much and smoking too much pot, jacking off several times a day because he was bored and didn't have anything else to do. Turned out he was on parole and ended up violating it by not checking in with his parole officer.

So he went back to jail and I went back to having sex only by myself. I managed to get back together with the most recent amazing woman for about a year, but since I still didn't want to have kids and she desperately did, she dumped me again. The sex was great while it lasted. She liked anal sex and I enjoyed fucking her big ass.

A couple months after the final breakup, I got a call from my old friend. He was still in jail about an hour from me. He was in minimum security and they let him go to work every day and come back in the evening. Unsupervised. Usually his boss picked him up and dropped him off, but he believed that I could pick him up after work one day a week, spend some time and then take him back and they would believe I was another manager at the restaurant. Sounded pretty cool to me! So, a few days later, I picked him up from the restaurant at the mall. He looked really good, said he'd been working out. We got some beer and he looked at porno mags while I drove to a nearby park with some woods (I'd done research). I asked him if he wanted a blowjob. He took my hand and put it on his rock-hard dick and said, "What do you think?"

We walked into the woods. I kneeled in the leaves in front of him. He unzipped his shorts and put his dick out for me to suck. It didn't take him long to cum and he came BIG! I managed to swallow it all. My knees had made deep impressions in the leaves. As he zipped up his pants, he pointed to the impressions and laughed. I enjoyed the humiliation!

We did the same thing twice more, and it was just as good both times. Then he got released. He was staying with some people (I guess he met them in jail) in an improbably nice apartment. He was already semi-drunk when I got there. I just wanted to go have sex, but he wanted to go to the "titty bar". So we went there and he had fun with the girls and they with him (I liked the way he put the dollar bills in his waistband for the dancer to remove with her mouth).

We didn't have enough privacy at the apartment, so I drove to a quiet corner of a deserted parking lot and blew him right there in the car. I liked sucking his dick from this angle - it was very different and in a way, it made his dick seem bigger. I found it harder to deepthroat him without gagging. When he seemed to be getting close to cumming, he stopped me and said "I think I want to fuck you now."

Whoa. I'd never had anything bigger than a woman's finger up my ass, and I'd never thought I'd want to be fucked by a man. But as soon as he said it, I got that funny feeling in my stomach again. I was scared - I hesitated - but there could be only one answer. Of course, I wanted him to fuck me if he wanted to, but I knew that for me to enjoy it, breaking in my virgin ass would have to be a slow process, not something that we could do spur of the moment in the back of a car. I managed to say, "I think I want you to fuck me, too."

He pointed to the back seat and said, "Bend over for me".

Whoa again. I really wanted to just pull down my shorts and bend over for him on the spot but my my brain won this round. "Come to my house and you can tie me up and fuck me!" I thought anal sex and bdsm were part of the same thing. His Dominance. my submission. I figured everybody thought like that. I figured by offering him something more than what he asked for - my complete submission - he'd be glad to wait. But that's how I'd have felt about it - I've always been good at delaying gratification - but he and I were and are very different that way.

He gave me a disappointed, "you're letting me down" look but he said "OK" and shoved my head back on his cock and he fondled my ass while I sucked him to a decent-sized mouthful of sperm. Which of course, I swallowed.

He got his life sort of going again, with the restaurant job and the apartment. Unfortunately, he got his drinking going again, too, and some cocaine as well. I went to see him one night, at a party, but he spent it getting fucked up and failing miserably to get laid with several of the skanky girls there. Finally, he said he wanted for me to suck him off but passed out before we got to his room. I didn't visit him there again.

A few months later he popped up in the old hometown. He started coming over to see me. A lot. I gave him head dozens of times that summer. He stayed with me for awhile, which was pretty awesome. He worked his way through my porn tapes and "ordered" me to suck his dick almost as often as I would have liked. I told him I liked it when he bossed me around and he got into it sometimes.

The next time he brought up the idea of fucking me, I said I wanted to fuck him first. He didn't like that idea. But I started fingering his ass more when I blew him. One finger, then two, then scissoring them...I knew from my experience with my awesome ex that he was ready for my dick. But he wouldn't give in.

I bought a vibrator and learned to take it up my ass with no problems. I had three dildos at the time and I learned to take the small and medium sized ones up my ass with no problems. But I wanted to win this battle of wills and I held out for months.

He moved out (I drew the line at crack cocaine), but we kept seeing each other. I let him finger my ass while I blew him, and one day I let him tie me up. I had set up some straps for my wrists and ankles. All he had to do was snap them locked. The first thing he did after securing me was to sit on my face! He started rubbing his ass in my face just like when we were kids. It occurred to me that he might fart! I hoped he wouldn't but I also kind of hoped he would! (He didn't). I stuck my tongue out as I could and he soon planted his asshole right on it. He moved up and down on my tongue and when he stopped moving, I kept working it in and out by moving my neck. He said "Ha ha - you're fucking my ass - with your tongue!" After he'd had enough ass licking, he turned around and stuck his dick in my mouth and started fucking. Just as deep and as hard as he could fuck. Right from the get go. It was too much! But I couldn't stop him! It made me so horny I could hardly stand it. I managed to get some air by turning my head until I finally managed to get his dick out of my mouth. He held my head and shoved his dick back in my mouth, but didn't throatfuck me quite as hard. I managed to take it. I had left the medium dildo and some lube by the bed. He saw them and put some lube on his finger. He fingered me. One finger, two fingers...he picked up the dildo and started shoving it into my ass way too fast! I stopped him, he untied me and following his command, I worked the dildo into my ass and fucked myself with it. He took hold of the dildo, and for the first time, I got some idea of what it would be like to be assfucked by a man. I liked it! He took the dildo out, got behind me and started trying to jam his cock into my ass! I wanted to let him but I stopped him. Instead, he fucked my mouth until he came and yes, I swallowed.

The next day, his evil ex showed up with their kid and he went off with them. I went on vacation.

When I got back, he had left me several messages that day on my answering machine. His evil ex had taken off and stolen his money. He needed a place to stay. At least his timing was good. I expected to find him in a bad mood, but he was cool about everything. In fact, he wanted sex almost as soon as we got to my house. Following his commands, I stripped, then gave him head in a 69 with me on top. He fingered my ass, asked for the dildo and lube and came in my mouth while fucking my ass with the dildo. I really liked sucking him and getting fucked like that. The reverse angle of his dick was really different. It was easier to throat him, but it also seemed like his dick went deeper into my throat, maybe because it wasn't hitting my tonsils.

He wanted to hit the bars that night, so we went out, got mildly drunk and came back late and in a really good mood. He'd almost picked up two girls in the bar for us. But it was just the two of us. He took off his clothes and I did the same. He took complete control, telling me exactly what to to: "Suck my dick...just the head...now take all of it...faster...now suck my balls...now suck my ass (that went on for a long time)...suck my dick...slower, slower - OK, roll over, I'm going to fuck you now."

Gulp. Really? I wanted to say no, but I couldn't resist him when he gave me "orders". It was time to lose my virginity. It was time for him to FUCK me. Because he said so. There was no avoiding it. I rolled over.

"Stick your ass up!", he said and slapped my ass pretty hard. I stuck my ass up with my face down, my hands spread out helpless in front of me. He came up behind me and rubbed some lube on my ass and rubbed his dick up and down my crack. I felt like a girl, about to be fucked by a MAN. I'm about to become his bitch, for real, I thought. I had mixed feelings about that! I started to stop him but then I felt the head of his dick penetrate my ass and I had no willpower after that. Except to please him. I guess I was still loose from the afternoon session, or maybe I just really wanted it, but he was able to ease himself into my ass on the first gentle thrust with only minimal pain. When he started thrusting strongly, I knew I was his bitch - forever! He did all the stuff I do to girls: spanked me, choked me, pulled my hair, stuck his tongue in my ear...I loved the way he felt on my back, the way his dick felt in my ass.

After he fucked me slow for awhile, I cried out, "Oh, FUCK me! Fuck me like a BITCH!" And he did. He fucked me really hard and fast and deep. His balls slapped against the bottom of my ass cheeks as he rammed it in me again and again and again and again...after some time, he put his dick all the way in me, held it there for a while and then withdrew. I'd thought I'd have felt his cum spurting inside me, but I hadn't. I asked him if he'd cum.

He said "Oh, yeah." In my submissive daze, I had forgotten to make him wear a condom. He had just fucked me, and cum up my ass, bareback. And it felt SO GOOD! Every time after that I made him wear a condom.

He fucked me several times after that. Almost every time he wanted. We would have fucked me again the next morning if my ass hadn't been too sore. We hooked up dozens of times over the next few years. I started Nair-ing the hair off my ass, which he liked. Mostly he wanted blowjobs. Whatever he wanted from me, he got it. As I'd known the instant I realized his dick was all the way in my ass and not causing any pain, he was in charge and I would do what he said. Really, it had been that way from the beginning.

Finally, I met the woman who is now my wife. I didn't want to hook up with him after that. Around the same time, he started a relationship that lasted for several years. Now we're both married. I offered to give him head once, but he said he didn't want to cheat on his wife. Somehow, I'm not sure the story's over.

Otherwise, there were some missed opportunities. In college, a guest of my roomate's, a tall, skinny black guy on liberty from the Navy, tried to fuck me. I was taking a nap one afternoon and he came in the room, drunk, and laid down behind me in the bed. I could feel his huge hard dick pressing against my ass. He started to pull down my pants but I stopped him and left the room. In hindsight, I wish I'd given him a blowjob. I would have loved to have seen that cock! But in those days, I was hooking up with women regularly and didn't think about gay sex much at all.

A few years after college, I was playing tennis with an acquaintance. He started talking about the ancient custom that if you beat someone in war, they became your slave. He said he thought that was only fair. He also mentioned that tennis was a lot like war. And he lost, badly. I only later realized what he was hinting at, that he had wanted me to dominate him, when things he said made me suspect that he was gay. But he hadn't turned me on at all, so I don't regret this one at all.

Not long after that, I spent a summer with my cousin and her boyfriend. She kept saying he had a huge dick. One day, when they were both at work, I found some polaroids, including one of him holding his truly huge dick. They had a rocky relationship and I thought the boyfriend might be open to a stray blowjob. One night, they'd had a fight and she'd gone to stay with a friend. I waited until long after lights out, then crawled into bed with her boyfriend, my head at his crotch level, until my face touched his dick inside his shorts. I put my hand on it - and he grabbed my hand and said "What the fuck are you DOING?" Turns out, he was NOT open to blowjobs from guys. Fortunately, he wasn't angry. He said he was flattered and never mentioned it again. Cool dude.

Once I got a blowjob from a drag queen. Decent head. Not as good as I give. I warned her/him before I came and she/he took my dick out and caught my cum in her/his hands. He/she wouldn't let me reciprocate!

Finally, one night I got a call from some guy I didn't know. He said he'd been with my friend and that my friend had suggested he call me. He was horny, he said. This sounded promising, so I met him in a fast food parking lot and led him back to my house (I wanted to see him and to make sure he was alone). When we got back to the house, he explained that he'd gone to my friend's house to suck his dick and/or be fucked by him, but my friend had turned him away. My friend had told him about my dildos and he wanted to see them. He wanted to suck my dick (I let him suck it for a short while, but I stopped him when I realized I wasn't turned on by it) and then he asked me to fuck him. I didn't want to. He then begged me to fuck him. I let him put a condom on the medium dildo and fuck himself with that. I put my mouth on his dick, but I found I didn't like the taste. Bottom line was, I didn't like find him attractive. I asked my friend not to send me any more effeminate gay guys!

And that's my whole gay story. Now the closest I get to sex with men is fantasy, getting pegged by my wife or flirting with guys on the internet. I almost hooked up with a guy I met online a couple of years ago, but when he sent me a picture, I saw his dick was tiny and he was fat!

I haven't ruled out more sex with men. I fantasize about gay sex all the time. I would never hook up with another woman, because I'd consider that cheating, but hooking up with a guy would be all about sex and now I wouldn't consider it cheating.

I won't be surprised to find myself getting throatfucked again!